Changing the way we talk about ourselves could change our quality of life. As someone who is bipolar, changing little phrases I say about myself has helped me grow. In order to love the life around you, the first thing you have to do is love yourself. Something I’ve learned in life is that we should talk about ourselves in the same way we talk about the people we love. I often find myself talking about how great my friends are, and how wonderful my family is, but it almost feels uncomfortable to say those things about myself. The truth is, it should not be uncomfortable to appreciate yourself. I’ve spent so many years of my life thinking negatively, but the best relationship I have now, is the one with myself.
In order to go from negative to positive self talk, there are a few phrases to look at differently. Here are five different phrases you can put a positive twist on.
- “I hate myself” versus “I love myself, I am a strong human being”.
I used to say that I hated myself countless amounts of times. This is, unfortunately, a very common, negative phrase. I’ve had my fair share of ups and downs here at college, and I’ve made some mistakes that result in me using this phrase. I put so much weight on myself for silly little things, but I’ve learned to accept that we all make mistakes and no one is perfect. I shouldn’t hate myself for the days where I do not want to get out of bed. I am strong because I woke up and recognized that I need that little mental health break. When I make mistakes in life, I don’t need to hate myself for it, I need to grow from it. Take pride in your mistakes, because it only means that you are growing as a person.
- “I am unlovable” versus “I deserve the love I receive”
As someone who has been in a long term relationship, I truly did not believe I deserved love at all. I’ve dealt with plenty of self hatred towards myself throughout the years to the point where I push people away if they show love towards me. The truth is, everyone is worthy of love. My relationship has taught me that. I may have my struggles here and there, but that is what makes me special. I needed to build that confidence within myself to believe I truly deserved love. Every human does. We all deserve it, and no one is unloveable.
- “I cannot eat that, I’ll look bloated” versus “I’m grateful for this meal and happy I am giving my body the food it needs”
This is a negative phrase I am very guilty of stating. Throughout all of school, I struggled with an eating disorder. I believed I needed to be as small as possible. There were days where I would hope someone would eat something in front of me, just so I felt better about not eating. It is still a struggle I deal with today, but it is possible to learn to look at eating in a more positive manner. Something I’ve learned is that this body is the one I will have for the rest of my life. I do not want to waste my time worrying about my body. To help my eating, I’ve looked up different recipes and have challenged myself to start cooking. Through this journey, I’ve found a love for cooking and trying out different foods.
- “I will never be as beautiful as her” versus “She’s beautiful, but so am I”
Something I’ve dealt with my whole life, especially in college, is comparing myself to others. It has affected my mental health beyond words. There are some days where I compare myself to people I barely know. I’ll consistently think about how I’ll never be capable of matching how pretty they are. Through this, I’ve learned that comparison is horrible for my mental well-being. I do want to point out that you should never talk down about someone else to make yourself feel better. Instead, recognize the looks of others while remembering you are just as beautiful. Acknowledging your thoughts is the first step in changing them. I acknowledge that I am comparing myself and immediately stop. I have created new boundaries and I put myself first. I need to create this confidence for myself and recognize the things that make me beautiful. Something I love to do is point out one thing a day that I love about myself. Some days, I love the way my eyes look, other days I love how cute my outfit is. Doing this has grown my confidence in feeling more beautiful, and I’ve realized that everyone has something unique about them that makes them beautiful. I should spend my life rooting for other people, but also rooting for myself.
- “I give up” versus “It’s okay to take a break from it now, I can always come back later!”
Often, if I do not understand assignments right away, I immediately give up. Another bad habit I have is letting my anxiety take over and convince myself that I’m incapable of completing certain tasks. What I’ve done instead is remind myself that I can take a break from doing an assignment and come back later. My anxiety has also pushed me away from joining any clubs, but once I calmed down, I pushed myself to do it. Life is all about mindset. If you cut yourself short, you are not going to get far. An example I can give from experience is when I was working on an assignment and believed I couldn’t do it. I took a little break, cleared my mind, journaled a bit, and all of a sudden, an idea sparked. I saw a completely different way to go about the assignment and decided to try it that way. My professor was so impressed by the way I completed the assignment, and she was very proud of my creative twist. I originally wanted to give up. I thought I couldn’t do it, because I didn’t fully understand it. But, I pushed myself through and tried something different. It all ended up working out. We need to do things that make us uncomfortable to overcome this anxiety that tells us that “we cannot do tasks”.
Changing my negative talk to positive talk has made me grow as a person. I never thought I’d actually be able to love myself and be loved by others. Now, I recognize that I am fully capable. Some suggestions for having more self love is getting a journal from Target to write down affirmations. You could even say the affirmations to yourself in the mirror! Write or speak your own positive phrases everyday to remind yourself how wonderful you are.
I am still learning self-love, but I am confident in continuing my journey. I keep a little childhood photo of myself on my mirror to remind myself that seven-year-old me would be devastated if she heard me talk negatively about myself. There are many days I feel low, some of those days, I need to repeat my affirmations more than once and that is okay.
Positive self talk is key in life and everyone should do it. The first and most important relationship you need to build in your life is the one with yourself.