Life is hard. It’s a known fact.
We go through breakups, school stress, adulthood issues and more.
There are a ton of articles on advice for those – which is awesome.
BUT – what about one of the hardest things we have to endure that no one talks about?
What about those lonely times in the bathroom?
Those times when you really need help pushing but you just need to push on your own?
Those times when you have an emergency and no one is supporting your cries?
I’m here to give you the advice on the biggest struggle that will never die.
Let’s plop right in.
How to Public Poop 101!
First things first – know your surroundings.
You should NEVER just walk into a public restroom without scoping out the area first. What if there’s a line? What if all of the stalls are filled? Make yourself aware people. It’s one of the main keys to success.
You need to know the possibilities of how many people can enter that bathroom within a 15-minute time span. If you calculate that over 50% have not used the bathroom yet, you need to abort mission and find yourself a new location. If aborting the mission is not an option… may the odds be ever in your favor.
The Second Suggestion to Success – check for traps.
If you sit down on that toilet without checking to see if there’s toilet paper first, you’re done for. That is completely idiotic. This is a step you CANNOT skip folks. Do not play yourself. Double, triple, quadruple check your toilet paper roll.
Check the stalls to your left and right for toilet paper also. This is handy because if for some reason your business takes more paperwork than you planned for, you simply reach your arm under the stall next to you and start unrolling that paper into your stall. This takes practice.
Third Toilet Tip – NEVER GRUNT.
Make sure there are no feet wondering around if you are going to let out a cry for help. From personal experience, never, I mean NEVER yell, “I feel like I’m having a baby!!” because you never know when there’s going to be a line of 6 people outside of your stall. Keep it a simple with a light, “ugh” or a mediocre, “ahhh” for a sigh of relief.
Fourth Flush Information – learn the proper flushing technique.
You might be a one flush wonder or you might be a curtesy flusher. EITHER WAY YOU MUST BE CAREFUL. They both give away the pooper alert. One flush wonders can let the delicious smell fill up the bathroom. Yet curtesy flushers give away their mission when they are flushing every 2.5 seconds. This is what you have to do. Again, time and practice people.
Curtesy flush your business every time someone else flushes. Their loud flush will drown out the sound of your flush. Doing this allows you to flush yo stank and clear yo tank in peace.
And for the Final Push – never over plop.
If you know you are having a splashing set during this match between you and the toilet, you need to properly plan your plops. If the bathroom is full – you must only plop when someone’s toilet flushes. The flush will hide the splash and keep your secret mission safe.
You’re all set for success. We as humans need to bring awareness to situations that are hard to get through. We cannot keep these subjects in the dark. Good luck with your future bathroom parties. And remember – NEVER look anyone in the eye once you leave the stall.