Having a love life can be hard. There are so many things in life to think about and adding something on top of that can be hard to balance. We all have different ideas of what a relationship should be like and it’s hard to get all the pieces to fall into place. It’s hard to hold onto what is yours when there are so many social standards for love. Your love life could be doomed for multiple reasons according to others. But, your love life is what you make it. You just have to stop listening to others and start living your own life. Remember who is the boss and remember what is true and what isn’t. To help you find out, here are the false negatives of dating:
The Early Days
Every relationship must start at the beginning. There is no way around it. To others, the earlier you are in a relationship the more likely it is to fail. Anything under six months is belittled. Don’t let the amount of time you have been with your partner get to you. Everyone else has to cross bridges. Be patient and proud of your growing relationship.
Moving Too Fast vs. Moving Too Slow
Every relationship moves at its own rate. Some say that you should date for a certain amount of time before becoming official. Others say that if you wait too long you will lose the spark you have between you and your partner. The truth is, there is no exact rate a relationship should progress at. Do what is right for both of you. Make decisions about getting with someone keeping yourself in mind. Everyone moves at their own pace.
Online Dating
Oh. You have an online dating account? You must be desperate. Oh. You have an online dating account? You must be looking for hookups. Oh. You have an online dating account? You won’t find anyone there. It’s not accurate and for hookups only. All of these statements are false. People use online dating apps for many reasons. Don’t feel shamed for participating in the action. Whether you are looking for true love or a fun night, it doesn’t matter. It’s for you and no one else.
Single vs. Taken
There is a weird unspoken power struggle between single girls and taken girls. Being single sounds better. Being a single pringle, girls are living their best lives hangin’ with their girls, going out, and working to be a powerful woman on her own. It sometimes masks the fact that girls who are taken can do all of those things too. We are all strong women. We can all empower each other and hang with friends. There is no need for a certain representation. We are all working towards the same goal. To be happy in life. Nothing can take our power away.
The Honeymoon Phase
Being called out for wanting to be with your partner is the worst. You are being pulled in different directions, forced to pick priorities. If you and your partner are new to each other and excited about getting to know one another, that’s ok! It’s normal to want to be with them. Learning and growing is exciting! Own your relationship. Just remember to not put all your eggs in one basket. Rescheduling plans with friends once is one thing but forgetting them altogether is worse. Don’t be that girl.
First Loves Don’t Last
There is a stigma around being in love. Not everyone ends up with their first love. Some outsiders see it as a learning experience or a test. Don’t let those ideas psych you out. Your relationship will fan out as you work at it. Loving someone has nothing to do with when or if you will break up. It just makes your relationship stronger. Normalcies don’t matter. Cherish your love for as long as you can. Stay in the moment and trust yourself. Whatever happens, happens.
Long Distance
Long distance relationships are tough. Everyone can guess that. Society sees them as another weak relationship that won’t last. That’s not true. Research shows that long distance relationships can sometimes be stronger than other relationships because of the hard work we put into them. There is more growth and trust. Long distance relationships are not the end of the world and are worthwhile as you both work to an end goal of being with each other eventually. Don’t let society tell you what you can and cannot do. Love can cross state lines.
Waiting Until Marriage
In this day and age, it is becoming more common to not wait until marriage to have sex. Haters say that this makes someone a prude, weak, or weird. Someone who is waiting won’t be able to please their partner in the ways they want. First off, it’s a personal choice. There are many reasons people wait until marriage not just religious ones. Second, this choice does not change a person from who they are at all. If you are waiting until marriage and your partner doesn’t accept it, they are a jerk. Love should be found in all forms. Don’t follow the crowd if you aren’t comfortable. Be you. Stand by your choices.
Young Love
Being in a more serious relationship when in your early twenties is a big no no. Apparently, all relationships must take off at a certain age when you know enough about the world. But what if your world is standing right in front of you? What if you just know. It’s not naïve to love hard when you know it’s right. Who cares if you get married when you KNOW it’s the right time. Go wit your gut. Consider all variables. Put things on the table and take them off the table. Society can’t tell you when your moment will come. Believe in yourself and what you know to be true.
Being Single
Being single isn’t always seen as a power move. In fact, sometimes singles can be considered the weak ones and the odd ones out. There is nothing wrong with being single. Being single doesn’t mean you are unlovable. There are plenty of reasons for being single. Work. School. Family. Friends. Adventures. Being single because you just want to. It’s a choice just like everything in life. Own your inner self. Your day will come. Love will find you when you aren’t looking.
I Love You
The “L” word is a big deal to a lot of people. The ultimate statement in a relationship locking it in and showing someone you care. Saying “I Love You” has been thought to be something you say way into the relationship. It’s something to ponder and think about. That is true. Think before you speak on this one. But have no shame in saying what you feel when you feel it. No amount of time is wrong when you love someone. As long as you are speaking your truth, say what you need to say.
On and Off Relationships
On and off relationships are seen as a more flimsy type of relationship because it has been broken off before. It’s a red flag. That doesn’t set it up for failure though. Despite what the majority says, for some on and off relationships work well. Each partner is finding themselves and then gravitating back into a relationship. As long as the break up wasn’t toxic, and it isn’t a constant back and forth scenario, you can have a successful relationship with someone you have already broken up with. It’s just like working on any other relationship. Maybe you will come back to each other as stronger and better versions of yourselves.
Friends
You know the famous Spice Girl’s lyric If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends!? It’s a common want in a relationship. We like to share the people we love with our partners to show them more of who we are. Sometimes a friendship grows and sometimes it does not. Partners don’t have to like your friends as much as you do right away. They are your friends after all. You both can try to meet each other half way when hangin’ with each other’s crowd. It’s all about compromise and adaptation. Pick a point when it will be a deal breaker. Time will tell.
Hook Ups
Girls are sluts if they hook up with guys. Girls who date around are easy. Both of these sentences have been pondered at one point or another in college. According to society, it’s wrong to have a sex life. Or even a dating scene. Women are slut shamed constantly when there is no reason to do so. Guys are praised for the same actions. It’s ok to date around and have fun! This doesn’t make you a bad or dirty person. If you want to go out, you go out! We women must stand together and raise each other up in any way shape or form no matter how one of our own is choosing to spend her Friday night. If you are being safe, you are good to go.
Being a Virgin
A lot of stigma comes with being a virgin. For some reason, no matter who you are or what age you are, (at least over the age of consent) you are judged for being a virgin. To some, they are “undatable” or “too unexperienced.” F&@% that. Virgins aren’t a different species. It’s seriously not a big deal. There is no shame. Everyone is a virgin at some point. There are so many reasons why someone would keep their virginity or not. Waiting until marriage, waiting for true love, being uncomfortable with your body, not feeling ready, or maybe, just not feeling like having sex! Society needs to chill and leave virgins alone. It’s a very personal decision to have sex. It doesn’t matter if you are waiting for marriage or having a bunch of hookups. Your sex life is yours and only you know the ins and outs (literally). Whatever happened to what’s on the inside that matters? Stop pressuring people to have sex and stop judging them if they haven’t. It’s not your place. Move at your own pace.
There are a lot of false negatives out there for participating in the game of love. If you really want someone’s opinion, ask the people closest to you what they think. Others will lead you astray. At the end of the day, the only view of you and your relationships is your own. Think about the scenario, the moving factors, the process, and the truth. Know yourself and love yourself. You are your best advocate. Tie your rope tight and then feel free to fall in love at your own expense, in your own way.