Everyone has different values and opinions about friendships. Some prefer a small circle of friends, some a bigger one; some find it easy to make friends, some do not. Whatever kind of preferred friendship you have, it is a very important kind of human connection. It’s not the same as a family relationship or a romantic relationship, so it’s unique. As someone who spent and still spends a lot of time thinking about what my friends mean to me, or how my relationship with friends is looking, I’d like to share some things I learned in my past 18 years about friendship!
The purpose of your friendship purely belongs to a deeper human connection
Sometimes we can fall into the illusion that this person can fix or save me, and, of course, your friends can definitely help you grow and heal in some ways. However, the friends you have are also all human individuals who have hard times, personal issues, etc. What I think is that when your friendship is based on personal gain or external purposes, it loses its meaning and beauty. When you’ve had some conversations with this person, talking about casual things to deep talks, and realising afterwards how great you feel, and how wonderful it feels to share your world with another person. I believe that is when you truly realise someone is a friend to you, and that someone is so meaningful to who you are.
Friendship isn’t something you can force
Speaking as a people pleaser, I feel very anxious when I notice that someone does not like me or that person is not acting or reacting in the way I hoped. In the past, I used to think a lot about how this person would like me, or get to know me better, and although I do it way less often, it’s still an issue I face to this day. But the truth is, as one says, you’re not everyone’s cup of tea. As mentioned in the previous paragraph, we’re all just different human beings. We like certain people and dislike others, sometimes even without a reason. The important point is that someone not wanting to be your friend does not mean you’re a bad person in any way or that you are a failure. If there is to be magic in having a genuine friendship is to be who you truly are, and so many people in this world will want to be with that version of you.
Friendship grows with each other’s care
Not that every friendship has to be this way, but a strong, long-lasting friendship does not develop without each person caring about the other. Having friends is definitely not something you can take for granted, so I think everyone is responsible for appreciating and showing acts of love for the friendships they have. There are many ways to do this, but personally, the most important is to keep in touch as much as possible. Especially if you’re living far from each other and can not see each other in person so often, it’s difficult to keep track of everything that’s happening in your friends’ lives. But saying words like “how are you doing?” or even just sharing some minor things that happened in your life can maintain and grow the friendship you have.
Boundaries in friendships are important
As a child, I always used to think having a best friend would be like telling all your secrets to each other, and doing everything together, basically like being inseparable. In films, friendships are portrayed that way, but in reality, it’s different. Truthfully, when your identity is tied to your friend, you can lose a sense of yourself, and it can also create pressure on your friendship. Types of boundaries can vary for everyone, but being someone’s friend does not mean you have to do or say something uncomfortable to them, and you are allowed to have privacy. A true friend is someone who can respect that.
Those were some of the things I learned and wanted to share about friendship! I hope it inspired you in some way and made you think a little bit about your own friendships. The last thing I want to mention is that friends aren’t possessions; the number and kind of friends you have do not dictate who you are as a human. Sometimes friendships don’t work out, but they also come in unexpected ways. It’s beautiful because it comes and goes by and adds stories to our lives, and I think that’s one reason why we’re alive!