If you have ever fallen victim to infidelity, you know the sort of betrayal and disrespect that the repercussions can lead to on your own mental and emotional health. Your life may have taken a turn and right now you can only focus on the negatives, but we want you to know that you are not alone on your journey to a happier love life and that your emotions are valid! If you are struggling to find peace within your life due to a past relationship, let this article ease your pain and return some of your self-confidence. Below are some steps in which an individual may follow if the love of your life turns out to be just another cheater.
It’s not you, baby girl.
Your not-so-significant other is the one with the communication, self-control, and loyalty issues! Never tie their mistakes to your perception of your own self-worth because it is their own personal issues within themselves that drove them to cheat on you. This person attempted to solve the problems within your relationship with another individual. Honey, you were better off without him anyways.
ACKNOWLEDGE your worth — and your existing areas of confidence!
Set attainable goals in areas in which you have the most confidence such as that research paper due in a couple weeks, showing up early for work every day, or going for a run each morning. Even if you have to start with small goals, such as making your bed each morning, eating three meals daily, or setting time for yourself throughout the day, will no doubt make the difference in your well-being. Acknowledge the areas in your life you are having success in and manifest all the positivity in your life.
You are NOT responsible for their acts of infidelity.
The only thing YOU are responsible for is the way you react and decide to handle your break up. At times you may feel like you lost your best friend, but look at this as an opportunity to become your OWN best friend and invest in relationships that are healthy and worthwhile. It is very important to ACCEPT their actions and try your hardest to not let your love blind you of the facts. My biggest advice from this section is to not live in denial, as this is the dream you will eventually awaken from.
Give yourself the time to cope!
People cope at their own pace. If you’re anything like me, you will go through phases of your breakup; you might experience depression which will transition to anger, which may result in remorse and regret for breaking up. But during these times of insecurity, you must trust yourself that you made the right decision and that your intuition and instincts about this person are for a REASON. Your feelings are VALID and when trying to move on, it’s important to acknowledge each emotion you go through so that you can learn from each experience while trying to move on. If you are ever tempted to text or call them, ask yourself “Are you lonely or just alone?” “Will you feel this way again tomorrow or is this a temporary feeling?” “Will this conversation contribute to my well-being?” Allow yourself to feel your emotions and roll with them, do not punish yourself for accidentally sending a drunk text or a 3-AM-feels text. Just take it day-by-day if you have to.
Find a kick ass group of friends to support you.
You will be surprised at how many people can relate to your situation or are willing to listen to you vent. Get in touch with those individuals in your life that support you and cherish their relationship with you. Realize that these relationships — with those who have your back, raise you up in times of despair and support your decisions, are the most worthwhile. CONCENTRATE on the healthy relationships that builds your self-esteem and before you know it, the significance of your past relationships will fade.
Look at the positives!
In what seems like a time of so many negatives, look to the light and remain positive. Even if you have to fake it! Statistics show that by even thinking you are happy, you can turn your mood around; so smile at that stranger, acknowledge your successes, and focus on all of the blessings in your life. With more free time that used to be devoted to that person, you can now invest it in school, work more hours at your job, spend more time with friends, have more time for family, and perhaps finding new hobbies. Find your beautiful self again, baby girl.
Treat yo’self!
YOU DESERVE IT! Take a weekend off and organize a mini vacay for yourself or with a group of friends! We have all heard of the infamous “retail therapy” and it really does help. So does joining new clubs or adopting new hobbies. Find a healthy alternative to all the stress that your relationship has caused, whatever that may be! And even if you have to indulge sometimes, eat that piece of cake, and buy the shoes. It’s worth it.
Honey, just have fun!
For the ladies who have been there, we all know that a toxic breakup may not inspire us to go out on the town, go out of our way to make plans with friends, or feel like we should include ourselves in the party. You don’t have to blame yourself. You don’t have to keep feeling sorry for yourself, hiding under your sheets sulking in bed. It’s your turn to take control of your love life. Accept the tribulations of your past relationship as a learning experience that you will be able to apply to in future relationships! Enjoy this time of your youth, because before you know it, you’ll find the man that treats you right, and you’ll be thanking the stars that everything worked out the way it did.