Being in a “friends with benefits” relationship can be one of the best or worst relationships you will ever have. You have the comfort of being more than just a hookup, but the insecurity of not being an official couple. Lines start to get blurry when feelings are developed, or rules aren’t established. If you’re going into a FWB relationship, proceed with caution.
What are the rules? Well, there isn’t really a set book of rules per say, it completely depends on you and your FWB. Setting up guidelines is always a smart idea before jumping into anything. Make it clear what you want and expect, and what will happen if these lines are crossed.
Where do the lines get blurred? When feelings start to develop and steps are taken that pass the FWB line, that’s when things get sticky. These lines are totally up to you and your FWB, but typically things like meeting friends and family, spending more time together than you would with anyone else, having intimate conversation, and getting jealous if the other decides to see other people, these are all things that push you past that FWB relationship.
What happens if one or both people develop feelings? This is the risk you’re taking getting into a FWB relationship. Typically, if the relationship is done right on both ends, you can usually end things with no hard feelings, and no negativity towards one another. You can take out the benefits and have no issue being just friends. What happens when that’s not an option? You need to face the facts and talk to them. Let them know how you’re feeling. They may surprise you and feel the exact same way as you do. In the chance that they don’t and they just want to be FWB, its best to get out before feelings deepen and complicate things even more.
Here’s what some collegiates (both wishing to remain anonymous) had to say about their FWB relationships…
“My FWB and I never really defined the relationship. We just started spending a lot of time together, more than I have in any other FWB relationship. I started developing feelings and I could tell he was too. We started doing things you don’t do in a FWB relationship, and things got kind of messy. I started lying about my feelings for him, just so I didn’t have to worry about losing him. Now I’m stuck in a tough place not knowing whether to end it, or if lying about my feelings is worth keeping him around”
“Being a sophomore in college I know I need to be experiencing this time of my life as single as could be. When I met a perfect guy I knew I couldn’t let him just walk away, so I suggested to be FWB. I started analyzing everything. Kisses on the forehead meant something, meeting each other’s family, and the simple things like the way he smiled at me. Knowing his stance on relationships I tried to hide my feelings, the jealousy, and the undeniable urge to hold his hand. The whole thing went from a simple thing to a roller coaster ride in a matter of weeks. If my FWB came to me saying he wanted a relationship I would throw away my “single” beliefs.”