Bet you’re getting pretty sick of this, right?
Same.
Last night I sat down to write this article, and I stared at the screen for a full three minutes before closing the computer. What is there to say? Reality check: no one knows when this will end, no one knows when they’ll find a vaccine, and no one knows how to solve this problem.
Just like many of us, I haven’t seen my boyfriend in 80 days. My mom is a pediatric nurse, so she was under self-isolation for 14 days after working with COVID patients one time, living in our garage while my dad, sister and I lived above her in the upper-level. Ever talked to your mom through a vent for two weeks? I have. If you want to read more about that story, though, I did a final project on it for my writing class. Every time she goes to work, we wonder if she’ll be pulled back into the COVID-19 unit, then imprisoned in the garage for another two weeks.
And yet, I haven’t had the worst of it. No one I know has gotten sick (*knocks on wood ferociously*). I have food on the table every day and a warm bed to sleep in every night. I’m surrounded by a loving family and we play games, watch movies, and do crafts to pass the time. I got to fully complete my year of education. I still have a job. I’m healthy.
I was speaking to my grandma and she said this is the worst major event that’s ever happened in her lifetime. She was born in the 1950s. I truly felt my youth at that moment.
I’ve been accepting this quarantine, embracing the situation and patiently waiting for it to pass. Up until this third month, I was hopeful that this would “all be over soon” and we could go back to “normal,” whatever that’s going to look like. The more I think about it, though, the less I want to go back to normal. Seriously. For all the things I miss, I’m going to start thinking about the things I don’t miss:
- Running low. I never realized just how fast I live my life until it all stopped. Sure, I still had class, have a job and my club is still operating, but I never realized how un-present I was in everything while I was physically at Hofstra. My body would be in class or at work or at the Her Campus meeting, but my brain would be five steps ahead, always thinking about the next thing I had to do and the next and the next. Having literally nowhere else to be has slowed down my pace at least 50% and I know that, if you thought about it, you would think the same thing.
- The money problems. Before this, there always seemed to be a reason to spend money. A “quick” Target run, needing something for the dorm room that turns into five things, constantly wanting new outfits for work or class or events or parties, gas on more gas on more gas, and don’t even get me started on eating out. Now, I have to actively think about what I’m spending money on (besides the occasional Aerie haul) and if it’s worth dipping into my savings. *Hint: it’s not.
- The not-quality time. It may be over Facetime, but I’ve never before had time to talk to my boyfriend “just because.” In fact, I never really did anything just because. Spending time with my friends was scheduled around my responsibilities, squeezing in a lunch or a hang-out between class and work. This may sound counterintuitive, but I feel more connected to my friends and family now than I did before quarantine, and that really comes down to having the time to be present with those I love.
I’m not saying this is easy. Actually, I’m saying this is all really f*cking hard. I want to get out of here just as bad as everyone else, but I’m also glad I subconsciously took this time to realize what I was missing in my life: time with the people I love the most. All I can hope is that I’ll continue to make that time when this is over but, again, who knows when that will be.
I’m not going to tell you what you should and shouldn’t be doing during the quarantine. There is nothing worse right now than the #girlbosses on Instagram shaming people for not “taking advantage” and being “hyper-productive.” (If you are one of those people, this is a PSA: please stop. You do you, I’ll do me, and everyone else will do everyone else. Did you write your memoir? Good for you! I can’t wait to read it. Step down, honey, you are not better than anyone else.)
Like I said, I don’t know what the answers are. Honestly, I don’t even know what to do with myself now that school is over. I miss my friends, I miss my boyfriend, and I can’t wait to give them all the biggest hug when I get to see them again. What I do know, though, is that I’m not going to risk getting them sick because I miss them. I won’t rant, but my mom is out there, surrounded by people fighting the virus so that you can go to sleep healthy at night. I don’t know how I will fill my time, but I do know that I will continue to do it inside, at home with my family playing board games and making crafts. I hope you’ll do the same.
