Breaking up is a hard enough thing to do and go through, but social media adds a whole new element to it. It seems as though when we keep our exes on social media, we can’t fully let go. But if we do remove them, that raises those nasty questions that we may not want to answer: are we really ready to let go? Will this add an element of hostility, if there wasn’t hostility already? Will other people in our social circle see and try to stir up some sort of drama that wasn’t there to begin with? It seems like there’s never one right answer, and really, there isn’t. But the simplest answer is: no, you do not need to keep your exes on social media.
There are plenty of times where we’ll post to social media, knowing we still have our ex there, in the hopes of them seeing it. But when we’re bound to that idea, we’re no longer able to freely express ourselves in the way that we should be able to on our own social media. For example, say we’re caught between posting a photo dump or a bikini photo on Instagram. The thought process becomes, “I’d rather post the photo dump so I can share as much as I can, but my ex will see the bikini photo, and it may get a reaction out of them, so maybe I should post the bikini photo. Or — do I not look good enough for the bikini? Will they think I just look ridiculous and be glad they’re no longer with me?” Removing your ex from social media can cut this thought process down to something much lighter, such as, “What do I put in this photo dump?” You’ve already broken up with them- you don’t need to still be tied down to the thought of their thoughts or opinions on you.
Additionally, by keeping your ex on social media, you’ll be seeing their posts still, and this will keep both the pain and the memories fresh for longer than they should be. If you’re not doing your best after the breakup, but you see them having a seemingly grand old time on social media, this is just adding to the pain of the breakup. By still seeing your ex, even though it’s just on your feed and it’s not an intentional face-to-face encounter, this won’t allow your brain to move on.
According to psychologist Yvonne Thomas, PhD, “From a mental health perspective, you shouldn’t keep tabs on your ex via social media because you can’t have a genuine, clean break and really move forward while you’re still staying in your ex’s life, even if it is remotely through social media.” Although it may seem harsh, by unfollowing, unadding, or unfriending your ex on social media, you are fully moving forward and clearing your mind. Sure, somewhere down the line, you may wind up being friends again, but there’s no reason to continue to keep your ex in your life in any way right after a breakup. In order to move on and grow as a person, sometimes sacrifices have to be made. Even the best things have to end so that they can become part of the past and become just another memory that allowed you to be fully in the present.