I call this episode: 15 first dates at once
As dating began this week, my dad decided to watch the first hour of this episode with me. Needless to say, his commentary may be more entertaining than mine. Chris Harrison wasted no time in getting this episode started and, seconds in, my dad was not impressed.
We jumped into the second episode with a date card and, shockingly, Becca K. got the first date card in a one-on-one to all of our surprises. I literally had no idea who she was, even by the end of the date. However, Arie gave her a fairytale with a designer dress fashion show, and then gift along with Louboutins and Neil Lane Diamond earrings. Talk about buying her affection. It also made me wonder where I went wrong; the most a first date ever bought me was a McDonald’s ice cream cone. My dad interjected a comment about how this show is everything wrong with America and, for the next hour, continued a commentary on the rampant sexism in this show. He’s probably right, just don’t tell my dad I agreed with him. This date is insane though like, buy a girl diamonds and she will like you? TBH that’s true, but made for a boring date. Getting the first one-on-one and a date rose warrants Becca K. a nickname. Plain Midwest Becca doesn’t have a good ring to it. Send us ideas.
The most dramatic season is truly ramping up, as Chris Harrison dropped of a second date card with a second one-on-one with Smitten Kitten Krystal. No expense was spared this season for sure as Smitten Kitten Krystal (she named herself) was flown home to Scottsdale, Arizona, Arie’s hometown. It seems a little soon for hometowns, but, hey, Chris wanted drama and this is a surefire way to spark drama at the house. Arie added fuel to the fire by bringing Smitten Kitten Krystal to his parents’ house. The last time I met a guy’s parents on the first date was my high school homecoming and Smitten Kitten Krystal looked just as uncomfortable as 15 year old me felt. The romantic dinner later that evening took a turn as Smitten Kitten Krystal opened up to us about her childhood and for five minutes I felt bad for calling her Smitten Kitten Krystal. What originally sounded like a sad story about her childhood quickly turned into an explanation for her upcoming crazy daddy issues. However, her truly sad and traumatic childhood got her a date rose.
We witnessed three dates this week with a group date card surprising the girls and showing us that Baby Bekah has the best surprise face. I can’t believe she’s old enough to drink wine. This group date is basically the whole house with 15 girls and it’s bound to be dramatic. Arie sets up the girls in a Demolition Derby and the bad race car jokes continue. The date was going to be hilarious until Annalise starts crying and steals the date with her childhood “bumper car trauma.”
Arie is literally choking back laughter at her tears and I’m here for it. Chris Harrison takes center stage throwing some truly FIRE shade at Arie, “So could this be the first time Arie actually wins something on the racetrack?” However, Arie did not win. The final two surprisingly came down to Seine and raven Tia with Seine taking the “W” this time. Side note: Some girls were injured in the making of this episode. Brittany went to the hospital for unnamed injuries (she was hitting other girls too hard in her car).
In some surprising news, Single Mom Chelsea stole Arie 30 seconds into the group date dinner making all the other girls mad, but hey, at least she told him the kid existed. We get to learn a little bit about a few other girls tonight which was interesting. Single Mom Chelsea is a mom, Seine went to Yale and is too smart for this show, and Bibiana thinks she’s above drama as she literally inserts herself into the drama. Bibiana steals the show as she loses it for not getting time with Arie. In a contentious room, the group date rose went to Seine.
Get ready, I am just going to speak some truths here.
Cocktail parties suck, it looks like the same person gave all these girls bad fake lashes and Baby Bekah is the fakest b**** in the house. Smitten Kitten Krystal has major insecurity issues, worse than her daddy issues. Single Mom Chelsea took a step back in obnoxiousness tonight as Smitten Kitten Krystal took center stage, interrupting other girls twice in one cocktail party while she already had a rose going into the night.
The drama quickly de-escalated with a typical rose ceremony three girls went home, Crazy Jenny, Valerie, and Lauren G. There is a slight peak in action as Jenny leaves without hugging Arie goodbye and he chases after and says, “I just didn’t see it” and she gets upset for “making friends” and having a taxidermist be picked over her which are totally valid reasons to be upset.
Season 22 Episode 3 Highlights
First date and first one-on-one: Becca K
Second one-on-one: Krystal
First group date rose: Seine
Bitchiest women of the house: Smitten Kitten Krystal
Front runners: Midwest Becca K, Single Mom Chelsea, Smitten Kitten Krystal, Baby Bekah M, Drama Llama Bibiana, Bumper Car Annalise
Eliminated: Jenny, Valerie and Lauren G
Memorable Moments from Season 22 So Far
First kiss: Brittany T
First French kiss: Chelsea
First cocktail party steal: Makel from Chelsea
First Impression Rose: Chelsea
First one on one date: Becca K.
First group date rose: Seine
Season 22 Episode 3 airs January at 8pm ET/7pm CT on ABC.