I Texted My Ex During Quarantine and I DO Regret It

Ah, those lonely quarantine blues. We’ve all been feeling them, and by we, I mean us single people. Sure, people in happy, loving relationships can feel lonely too sometimes, but it simply does not compare to those of us who have been single as pringles since the lockdown began in March. It’s very hard to find new, potential romantic endeavors during a pandemic, and relying on the idealized version of an ex that lives in your head is a lot less work. Plus, you don’t have to leave your house, or your comfort zone! Sounds like a win-win situation, right?

Wrong. Back in August, I got pretty tipsy with a couple of my fellow of-age housemates, and a silly little lightbulb went off in my head. “Text her and flirt with her,” the voice said. “You guys are on great terms, what’s the harm?” The voice in my head plus the tequila was a recipe for disaster, but there was no stopping the inevitable from taking place. Before I could even form a coherent thought on what to say, my fingers had already sent the “heyyy how’s your summer going???” text.

For the sake of privacy, let’s call my ex Sarah. Sarah and I stayed pretty decent aquaintances after we broke up a few years ago, and throughout college our paths would continue to cross sometimes. Maybe it’s because my zodiac sign is cancer, or maybe it was because my drink was a little too strong, but I really thought that maybe that’s a sign! Maybe this attempt at flirting with her will turn into us getting back together! Then, she texted me back, and I texted her back, and she texted me back, and on and on went our conversation.

Eventually, Sarah caught on to the fact that I wasn’t trying to have a friendly conversation. “Wait, are you flirting with me??” Of course she threw a few of those crying-laughing emojis in there. However, my confidence was still peaking, so I responded with what I thought was pretty clever and witty. “Hahaha I was waiting for you to catch on to that,” with a silly tongue-out emoji at the end. “Wow, you’re really good at this,” the voice in my head said, continuing to build my ego. If only I could go back and save my poor little drunk self from the sheer embarassment I was about to experience.

“Katie I’m so sorry, but I actually have been in a serious relationship for a while now.”

My fragile little ego absolutely shattered when I read that sentence. My plan that was once perfect to a T had just crumbled before my eyes. Even though I wanted to curl up into a ball and hibernate for at least 10 years, I had to respond quickly and efficiently. I hit her back with a nice “OMG I’m so sorry I had no idea!! That’s totally my bad haha.” Thankfully, she responded with grace and didn’t make me feel bad about it, but I did still want to die, just a little bit.

Since then, I have yet to see my ex around campus and we have not texted. I actually chose to delete her contact off of my phone, along with all of our text messages. It’s for the best this way, and as a person who still believes in signs, I definitely think this has been my sign to focus more on the future instead of the past.

• ex
• ex-girlfriend
• quarantine