I love the holidays. I have a Christmas countdown app on my phone. I live for mashed potatoes on Thanksgiving. I also really love spending time with my family. The holidays are a happy time for me. That being said, the holidays of my freshman year of college were an absolute mess. I came home with mono (the pictures of me on Christmas morning are actually terrifying), and, more importantly, my first semester of college was incredibly hard for me. Academically, I did very well, because some people like myself channel their stress into their school work.
However, I was depressed and anxious. For the first time, I did not like the majority of my classes. I had always loved school, and suddenly this constant was gone. The friendships that I had made in the first couple of weeks were disintegrating around me, and I had my first sort-of heartbreak. I was a mess, and I did not know how to talk about it. My parents knew because I had kept them updated on my mental health. However, I did not know how to tell this to my grandparents or my aunts and uncles. I didn’t want to disappoint them.
When talking about college to your relatives, you have to know that they will not be disappointed in you. They care about you and just want you to be happy. Having a rough semester does not make you a failure. Now that I’m in a much better place, I’m so excited to talk to my family about my past couple of months. So wherever you fall on the spectrum of college, you will have to talk about it with people who love you.
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To the family members who just don’t understand your major:
There are going to be those people who cannot wrap their heads around your psychology or entomology degree. No matter what you say, they will question your choices or constantly ask for clarification. Focus on how your major makes you feel. Maybe they won’t understand your classes, but they will appreciate your excitement to study the life cycle of a rare bug found only in the Amazon. If you don’t like your major, like I did, I told these family members that I was struggling. Then, we found a common ground of not really understanding or enjoying the college experience.
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To the family members who are SO excited that you’re in school:
Being in college is a really big deal in many families. I know multiple people who are First Generation students (shout out to them because they are all amazing), as well as people who come from long lines of Ph.D.’s and Fulbright Scholars. Regardless of backgrounds, these people all have relatives who just cannot contain their happiness at having a niece, nephew, grandchild, etc. in college. Share their excitement! Talk about college living, your classes and your friends. These people truly care about you so much. Let them into your life as a college student.
To the family members who did not go to college:
We just kind of touched on this, but I wanted to get more specific, especially in regards to First Gen students. Foremost, don’t feel ashamed or elitist for going to college. There is nothing wrong with going to college, just as there is nothing wrong with not going to college. Family members who did not go to college might have more questions or want more stories. Tell them! Again, share your experience. Being a First Gen student is a damn impressive accomplishment. Remember that.
To that one family member who compares your college experience to theirs:
Ok, so maybe there is that one cousin who is really set on one-upping you. They might have graduated a year ago or fifteen years ago, but that doesn’t matter. They want everyone to know that when they were a freshman, they had a 3.9 GPA, in comparison to your 3.85. They mention their successes in student government the moment you’re done talking about how you joined a club sport. These people are no fun. Don’t play their game. Validate their college experience, and continue to share yours. Everyone’s time in college is unique, so it’s a moot point to compete with someone who probably did not have the same major or go to the same school in the same decade as you. Be happy with what you have accomplished, and don’t let them get you down.
To the family member who wants to know if you have a significant other:
If you’re like me, you will be coming home for Thanksgiving single as a Pringle. We should note that this is not due to a lack of effort on my part. What’s important to remember, though, is that relationships are a personal part of your life. I am always deeply uncomfortable talking about my love life with relatives, and so if there ever is a rare development, I keep it to myself. You absolutely have the right to keep this aspect of your life private. You can choose to not answer or to bend the truth. If you do have a person, and you want to let everyone know, tell your family. They like to see you happy.
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To your other relatives:
These are the relatives who ask, “How’s college going?” We are going to use the 1:1:1 rule. Mention one class that you like, one club that you have joined, and one recent social activity. This is a good, easy way to update this relative on your life without starting a 45-minute conversation.
The holidays are a time to reconnect with family members. For me, this is the first time that I have seen many of my relatives in four or five months. At the end of the day, it is your life to share. Remember that your family members should be excited for you. On a final note, if you have had a hard time at college, it is absolutely okay to say, “I’ve actually had a rough semester, and I’m trying to use this break to clear my head.” Family members will understand.