Life can get extremely competitive. There are some obvious competitions regarding power and respect within society: vying for the top grade or auditioning for a play are both explicitly competitive situations. But there are also the little competitions, the unspoken social games people play with each other through everything from fashion choices to dating. With all of this competition in the air, it is basically impossible to avoid jealousy. Watching other people succeed can be hard to handle sometimes, and people who say they never get jealous are probably lying. Everyone feels pangs of envy, some people just have a healthier attitude about jealousy than others. It’s important not to let jealousy control us or make us act irrationally. We need to learn to tame the green monster, a feat that is difficult, but not entirely impossible.
Jealousy is an extremely potent emotion. A trivial sense of envy has the potential to turn to simmering resentment if it is not kept in check. Therefore, in the first moments of jealousy, it is important to calm yourself down by stepping back from the situation. Perhaps start by taking a few deep breaths and never act on your jealous impulses. Instead, look at the situation you are in rationally. Ask yourself: “How important is my grievance?” “Why, exactly, am I jealous?” “How can I articulate my issues in a productive way?” As tempting as it may be to fully express your jealousy, remind yourself that this is counterproductive behavior. Think of the confrontation scenes on reality television and just how destructive petty arguments can be to human relationships. Unless you want to have a glass of wine thrown in your face, remain calm in moments of jealousy and only bring up your problems if they have real weight and can be rationally addressed.
Photo courtesy of Eric Ward
In a way, jealousy reflects the desire to emulate more successful people. There’s a sense of wanting to be someone else or to have what others have. However, this way of thinking is deeply flawed. We can only ever be ourselves, so it is useless to compare ourselves to others. Even if we somehow contorted our lives to be exactly like the lives of those we most envy, we would never attain what we truly seek; we would only be mediocre carbon-copies. Therefore, jealousy can be avoided if we stay true to ourselves, focusing on our needs and particular goals rather than the achievements of others. Take comfort in the fact that all successful people follow different paths to get where they are, and this very fact can help curb and devalue jealousy.
Jealousy is not a completely counterproductive emotion. After all, it has the power to motivate people to accomplish their goals. However, the negative, untruthful aspects of jealousy are highly dangerous, distracting people from the merits of their own individuality. The next time you feel the ugly seeds of jealousy taking root in your mind, try to channel these intense emotions into more positive, helpful thoughts.