Hofstra, Let’s Talk About It: First Times

In our society today, women are often told that they should not talk about sex. This can lead women to feel embarrassed or unsure of themselves when something unexpected happens. Through Hofstra, Let’s Talk About It, you will read real accounts from real college students. We are all going through the same experiences, why not talk about them?

Although the definition of virginity is quite complex, having sex for the first time is a milestone nonetheless. Whether you have sex for the first time with someone you’ve dated for three years or someone you met that night, first-time sex can be weird and that is okay! Sharing personal experiences makes the topic less intimidating for those who have no idea what to expect and are nervous about what is yet to come.

I asked Her Campus members: “How was your first time having sex?”

“My first time having sex was with my boyfriend of about five months when I was 18. We used a condom and it wasn't painful for me at all. Because of the environment I grew up in, I had really toxic views when it came to sex. I wouldn't say I enjoyed my first time because of the anxiety I had leading up to it, but my partner was very understanding of that and tried to make me as comfortable as possible. After the first few times (and getting past my irrational fears), I started to enjoy it.”

  • April, Junior

Courtesy of Giphy

“My first time was when I was 16 with my ex-boyfriend who I really loved at the time. We lost our virginity to each other and although it was enjoyable, it was still painful.”

  • Kristina, Freshman

“It was with a long-time partner when I was 15. It was extremely awkward even though we had known each other for so long. We used protection. I try not to have any regrets, but I probably shouldn't have had sex with him. But you learn a lot from mistakes, and you move forward.”

  • Anonymous, Sophomore

“I was born and raised Catholic so I had really high expectations about sex; since it was so withheld, I thought it would be unbelievable. It did not meet those expectations at all, but it was also memorable and pretty funny. It was with my boyfriend who I am still dating. It happened as a college freshman, and we did use protection. I don't regret it but I do wish I waited a little further into our relationship.”

  • Kim, Senior

“It was fine! I was in high school and with my then-boyfriend. It was his first time too, so it was awkward and flawed and far from the ideal, but it was also a very low-pressure situation. I have no regrets about it, and I think those early sexual adventures really helped me get accustomed to the whole thing.”

  • Alissa, Senior

Courtesy of Giphy

“My first time having sex (when I was 18 and a freshman in college) was definitely emotional and a very loving and wonderful experience. I had waited to have sex until I was 100% comfortable with my partner and I knew that we both truly loved each other, and I'm so glad I did. It was slightly painful and a little awkward, but it was full of love and I really did enjoy it because it brought me closer with my partner in a new way. We did (and always) use a condom and I am also on birth control to stay protected.” 

  • E, Sophomore

“It hurt a little bit, but then it was super awkward. I felt totally fine and the guy just stopped out of nowhere. I was 20 and it happened pretty recently for me. I don't regret it because I truly felt I was ready for it, I just didn't like the awkwardness.”

  • Courtney, Junior

“I'm waiting for a serious relationship to have sex.”

  • Amanda, Junior

“Awful, I regret it. Did not use protection, it was pretty forced and I wish that it didn't happen.”

  • Melanie, Sophomore

“It was funny and awkward, I was 16 and it was with my long-term boyfriend, who I am still dating now. We used condoms and it was only like 5 minutes of me being like 'that kinda hurts maybe try this.' We also watched a video about how to correctly put on a condom before we even started having sex. It was cute.”

  • Gia, Junior

Courtesy of Giphy

“It was 5 days before my seventeenth birthday my senior year of high school. I had a really big crush on this guy. We talked for a few hours in my room and he asked me if I had done anything with a guy. I answered honestly and I told him I didn't. He was my first everything. My first real kiss, my first real sexual experience. Let’s just say things did not go too well: it did hurt and I thought he would like me more if I did it... big no-no. It created a lot of drama for the rest of the year and it just did not end up well for anyone overall. “

  • Anonymous, Senior

“It was with a guy I had been in a relationship with for a few months but we had been friends for about a year. It was very painful and awkward. We used a condom. “

  • Sara, Senior

“My first time having sex was with my boyfriend in high school. I was 17 years old and was very nervous about it. My boyfriend really wanted to have sex and I wasn't ready. I regret saying yes to him and I wish I could go back in time and say no. We used protection but I didn't enjoy myself. I was very anxious and upset afterward.”

  • Emily, Sophomore

“I was 19 years old and it was with my boyfriend. We used protection, it wasn't painful at all, and I do not regret anything about it. I most definitely enjoyed it.”

  • Faith, Sophomore

Courtesy of Giphy

A lot of women learn about sex and relationships by what they see in movies or what they hear from family members. However, both of these sources often provide a picture that is inaccurate and places unrealistic expectations on women. By creating a space that allows real college women to reveal their experiences, we can shed light on both the negative and positive aspects of sex.

If your first time was awkward or did not feel as good as you hoped it would, that’s okay!  Sex can be really complicated, especially when you first start having sex, so it is completely fine if your first time is not picture-perfect.

For those who have not had sex yet or who have but it wasn't what they expected, please know that your first time will not define your future sex life. If you feel ashamed that you didn't have sex at the “right” age or even with the “right” person, it does not say anything about who you are as a person, regardless of what society tries to tell you. Just have fun, protect yourself, and live your life.