Been there, done it, but done it in the dorms? Many have ventured, few have survived. Here are HC Hofstra’s funniest (quirkiest, weirdest) dorm sex stories, because we don’t need another article reminding us how few of us are *getting some* right now.
Note: All stories listed below were experienced pre-pandemic.
- Walk of Shame
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“I had a Grindr guy too afraid to come into my tower because he was concerned he would get questioned for not being a student (obv pre-pandemic). Finally, after an hour of texting he gave in. After the deed was done, he refused to ask the RSR for his license back and insisted I come with him.”
– Anonymous Sophomore
- Bomb-Drop
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“I fell asleep naked after having sex with one of my close friends and my suitemate walked in my room the next morning. She didn’t know he was over until she saw us asleep and then went on to tell all of our friends about it even though we didn’t want anyone to know.”
– Anonymous Sophomore
- Make That Bed (Frame) Rock
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“My boyfriend and I had been going out for a couple of weeks and jumped right into **doin’ the nasty**, but every time we would do it, we would hear banging coming from the dorm next door. At first, we were really embarrassed so we started to quiet down, but after starting to have silent sex, we got annoyed thinking there was no way they can hear us since his roommates in the next room couldn’t. For a while, we thought they were listening for me to go in his room and then would wait a little bit and start banging on the walls to make fun of us, which we were not happy about. So, after being hostile to the girls next door for some time, I went over to my boyfriend’s room one day and noticed his wall paint was chipping. I put two and two together and realized the girls couldn’t hear us, they were just hearing the bed frame loudly banging into the wall every time we did it. We proceeded to test how loud it is in his suitemate’s room and it was LOUD!!! I felt so bad after that and I am now always friendly to those girls, hoping they don’t hold a grudge. Moral of the story is, before you have sex in a dorm, check to make sure the bed frame isn’t pressed against the wall or else you will make a group of college girls veryyyyyy angry…”
– Anonymous Freshman
- Mama’s Boy
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“His mom called during it and he just casually answered and was talking while continuing as if nothing weird was happening.”
– Anonymous Senior
- Peaceful Spaghetti
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“My roommate was out for the weekend so my boyfriend and I were spending some *quality time* in my room, on my all-girls floor. Lo and behold we got the RA on duty called on us for being too loud (I guess it was valid), but that’s not the best part. The next morning I rolled out of bed and made my way to the communal bathroom, did my thing, washed my hands, looked up in the mirror and right in front of me was a big sticky note that read ‘Excuse me, whoever is clapping cheeks so abundantly needs to quiet the f*ck down, I’m trying to enjoy my spaghetti in peace.’ We laughed about it, but we definitely spent the rest of the weekend clothes-on. We wouldn’t have dared ruin her marinara again.”
– Anonymous Senior
Stay safe out there, kids!