If there is one phenomenon that always amazes me when being amongst fellow humans it is – as I call it – collective self-underestimating. I wouldn’t even mention it if I didn’t keep bumping into it continuously.
What am I talking about? Have you ever found yourself in the middle of conversation, where you realize you’re almost competing with your partner over which one of you did worse in the exam you just had? Or started a conversation explaining how you didn’t understand almost anything the lecturer had said? Or when you are explaining how absolutely awful you are with maps and always get lost, your friend responds with an anecdote where she emphasizes that she isn’t only chronically lost but loses her belongings again and again as well.
It is kind of funny: a bunch of people telling each other how stupid they are. And maybe even funnier – it actually serves a couple of functions. This type of talk makes you look harmless to people who are not too familiar with you. “Hey, I’m nice person and don’t take myself too seriously – let’s be friends!” It also strengthens group cohesion. As they say: nothing brings people closer than a common enemy. In many cases, when people are complaining how confusing the degree structure is, they might be actually grooming each other. And we all know that that’s the key element of the success of our species, the sense of community that is.
In addition, if one has nothing else to say, bemoaning is a great way to open a chat. People tend to pay more attention to the negative things, so they are likely to come up with something from that cookie jar.
Okay, people like to talk about how bad they are – even if they didn’t really believe it to be so. So what? It’s just a manner of speaking! It’s not what people say but rather what they feel inside, right?
All of us who have read at least one self-help book or lifestyle magazine know that the messages we tell ourselves are awfully powerful. If we establish a mode of talking, which bases on one’s utter inferiority, we are deliberately paving the way for harmful thinking with the finest marble. If you repeat long enough that you are a simpleton, you will surely become one.
That kind of talk also makes attempts of improvement a bit challenging. It’s awkward to set up a conversation with details of test questions, when your classmates are wondering if they will even pass the test. (And when the test results come they’ll have their 4 or 5…) Or really try to give your best performance, for example, in team sport or a group task, which requires presentations in front of everybody, after you have concluded with your group members that the whole task was oh so very complicated.
Like most of us, I’m average in many ways. I accomplish things but usually not on the podium. Sometimes I fail but, after a few deep breaths, I get back onto my feet again. And for people like us, who stand just on that fine line of great and dull, it’s most important to not lean toward the latter one.