This is not something that personally affects me since I am non-disabled and so is my partner. This is, however, something that absolutely infuriates me and that I want to talk about. What I mean by “this” is interabled relationships getting questioned and the people in them harassed. I follow several interabled couples on YouTube, my favourites being Squirmy and Grubs, Roll with Cole and Charisma, The Accessible Van Life and Jessica Kellgen Fozard (and her wife Claudia). All of these couples are fun, kind and most of all, clearly in love with each other. However, not everyone who watches their videos seems to agree. If you look at the comments these channels receive on YouTube, you’ll notice that some of them are, well, just plain horrible. I wanted to discuss these comments and negative attitudes towards interabled couples in general. However, like I stated before, I am not in an interabled relationship myself and have no lived experience on what it is like to receive comments like these. That is why I recommend checking out all the channels listed above!
Many of the people who have something against interabled relationships seem to think that it is impossible for a non-disabled person to love a disabled person. This has led to some wild conspiracy theories. Some seem to think that Hannah from Squirmy and Grubs only married Shane for his money that… he doesn’t even have that much of but okay? Some people say that Charisma from Roll with Cole and Charisma is only with Cole because she, as a black woman, desperately wanted to be with a white man but was not able to attract any non-disabled white men. This is not only incredibly ableist and sexist but also outrageously racist. So, if you have ever commented something like this, way to go exposing yourself. In my opinion, people who leave comments like this are just incredibly shallow and there is a good chance they have never experienced a deeper emotional connection themselves. They see a conventionally attractive person being in a relationship with a disabled person and think that them truly loving each other is impossible. This is not to say that disabled people cannot be attractive, that is absolutely not true but often a non-disabled body is considered more conventionally attractive than a disabled one.
Sometimes people also leave well-meaning comments regarding interabled relationships that are actually somewhat offensive. Many non-disabled partners in an interabled relationship have gotten to hear that they are absolute saints and angels for being in that relationship. This is quite problematic because it implies that someone would have to be a saint to want to be in a relationship with a disabled person. It also implies that the non-disabled person most likely brings everything that is good to the relationship and day after day endures all the hardships brought into the relationship by their partner’s disability. All in all, what all these comments seem to have in common is that the people sending them do not seem to think of disabled people as being just regular human beings with their own personality just like everyone else. If your disabled partner is funny, kind, smart, loving and everything that you are looking for, it does not take an angel to fall in love with them, just someone whose personality is compatible with theirs. Each disabled person has their own amazing skills, personality traits and attributes and they can bring so much to a relationship and offer their partner so much as well. And yes, it is also very much possible to be sexually attracted to a disabled person (though do not fetishize, please).
I believe that many of the mean comments about interabled relationships just come from a place of ignorance. However, some of them are just absolutely horrible and mean. Honestly, if you’ve got nothing nice to say, do not say anything. No one is forcing you to watch videos with interabled couples in them so why not just leave them alone. For all of you out there, remember to be kind, especially on the Internet. Kindness makes the world a much better place and we can all be a part of that change.