That’s the question. But we can’t give you the answer.
It can be very relieving to be able to talk about your problems. To find anyone you can talk to about your worries and your fears. But there comes a point where complaining becomes less about stress relief and more about complaining just to complain.
Though you can’t be told what to do all the time, you can know what situations and scenarios can make you reevaluate doing it in the first place.
Right Intentions
Why are you really complaining? Is it to gain sympathy or empathy? To get problems out of only circling around in your head? Or are you trying to one-up your friends? There is an act people unconsciously do which involves always telling people how busy they are or that they have no time for other activities, even when that is not true. It is even worse when multiple people are doing it back and forth with each other. It becomes a challenge to prove who is doing the most or who is the most stressed. It’s a weird way people try proving their worth or that they are better just because they are suffering more. Talking about how stressed you are shouldn’t be a game. It should be a way to reveal your worries, small or huge to people who can help you feel better. There’s nothing great about a competition on how is the most under pressure. You should get away from the idea that having more on your plate means that you are a better person.
The Right Time, Place or Person
Isn’t it great to talk about your issues with a good friend, maybe over a meal or just hanging out in your room? But there are times and places where complaining should not be done. Your common room is fine. But if the subject of your anger is conveniently nearby (like if that person is your roommate), your common room is not okay. Find neutral locations you can discuss away like a cute coffeehouse. Likewise, 4 am is not be the greatest time to talk about your feelings (unless you roll like that, it might be fine #notjudging).
Also if your friend has problems of their own, be considerate and maybe try someone else. You talking about issues can be relieving for you but it can stress your friend out even more. It takes a lot of energy to be a supporting friend, and there are days people don’t have it in them. Also if they are studying for an exam or an interview, the best time to get your feelings off your chest could be after (unless your problems are pressing). Try to find others who can talk it out with you like another friend you can trust or a peer counselor on campus who know what to best to say.
Do You Even Want a Solution?
Another reason people complain is to get advice. A response from a friend can help solve dilemmas or even help to look at the situation in a different way. But sometimes, you might need to try working at your problems first before continuously talking about them.
A person’s worries can feel like an unmovable mountain that you can’t get over, no matter how much you sing Miley Cyrus’s “The Climb” at the top of your lungs. But have you even tried pushing that mountain even just a bit? Did you even consider the suggestions of the twenty previous people you confided in about the same problems? Talking about a problem is great stress relief but by doing nothing about the causes of said stress, you’re just waiting to add more and more potential problems in the future. This is not always a great topic of conversation. Work it out as best as you can and then talk it out to learn more how you can get over it.
In general, it’s never good to keep your feelings bottled up. Instead, sip from a bottle of wine or juice with people you can trust. But make sure you’re getting something productive from it.