Looking back at unhealthy friendships, not that I did not have the ability to say no, but I would think I made it across the finish line by saying no, but I quickly gave in when they were pleading at my feet, the guilt in my mind arose, and this sense of “savior” complex kicked in. All of this did me no good when the friendship became a repeated cycle of unhappiness. I have always been perceived as this quiet and reserved person, and when I would try to stand my ground, I became filled with guilt and shame thinking that I needed to be here for this friend and help them out, otherwise their life would become a total war zone by me not sticking around. Maybe you can even say there was a little manipulation and gaslighting added in by them unfortunately, but I was so blindsided by it and gave chance after chance in which the cycle continued.
In this new year, we are holding ourselves in high regard by setting boundaries, saying no, and protecting our peace. This can go for anything and anyone: relationships, friendships, or the simple things such as working out, eating healthy, staying away from our phone or social media, and putting time into those hobbies we tend to sit aside.Â
But this can all be hard. I understand. Rome was not built in a day and it takes strength to choose to let go of those people who don’t need to be in our circle anymore. It takes self-control and self-discipline to put our phone down, read a book, take a walk, go workout, or study. Setting boundaries and learning to say no takes baby steps. You can make a vision board of your goals, or another form of a goal list that is visible, and plaster it on your wall so you can see it everyday. Even finding a trustworthy and close friend who wants to conquer goals with you will help stay focused and motivated. It really is our phones, so try setting screen time limits on social media apps or make a timestamp for yourselves to go without social media or your phone for a couple hours. The more you do this, the more you won’t have the desire anymore to repeatedly scroll on your phone, and you start to realize that you feel more fulfilled and satisfied living in the present moment away from your phone than keeping up with what the world is doing!
As for relationships and friendships, you are worth more than how that person treats you. Indulging in toxic friendships or relationships does more harm than good. There is actually no type of pleasure in engaging with people who only weigh us down. They simply do not deserve our energy and time when they are continuously putting a damper on our moods. Even if it may seem like they aren’t falling to the ground and wanting us to continue to give them undivided attention, it’s a boundary to choose not to answer their text messages, calls, or put endless effort into the friendship/relationship when they aren’t giving the same sentiment and we aren’t feeling joyful in these relationships. There is absolutely nothing wrong with talking about your feelings, and those feelings for that person may come up numerous times which is okay as long as you capture and not dwell on them. Journaling, saying affirmations for yourselves, praying, talking to trustworthy people, and putting those hobbies and interests to use will help you learn to slowly let go of that person who does not mean well.