In group projects, there’s always a “group leader,” whether that title is bestowed or not. There’s always one partner in the group who takes a bit more initiative and ultimately finds themselves picking up the group’s slack if things fall short. In the most humble fashion, I must say that I am that partner; but I’m that partner in nearly every aspect of my life.
It may sound like an asset–to be the initiative-taker, the leader, the go-getter, the “don’t worry about it, I’ll do it for you.” It may sound like I’m tooting my own horn or even bragging. Anyone who knows me, however, knows that I’m actually almost too humble about anything I accomplish. So no, this isn’t an article about me being better than everyone else. That’s the furthest thing from the truth.
This is an article about my battles with “Superwoman Syndrome.” Women who suffer from this syndrome are defined by WeHaveKids.com as “[women] who [feel] pressured to do it all” and who feel “overworked, overwhelmed, [or] overly committed.” Superwomen are “duty oriented, very responsible, and truly desire to do what’s right.” These women typically try to please others and find it difficult to simply say “No.” Wow, drag me.
Now, my issue isn’t that I don’t know how to say “No.” I’m very strong-minded when it comes to doing something I don’t want to do; if it isn’t necessary, I just won’t do it. If I want to do it, I will. And that’s that on that. Instead, my issue is that–saying this in the nicest way possible–I don’t have patience for sub-par. I don’t have patience for people who live and breathe excuses and can never pick up their ends of the bargain. I don’t have patience for people who are too lazy to put in work, who think that everything will work out because they know I’ll make sure it does. I don’t have patience for people who take, take, take and never give.
From my experiences with class projects, extracurricular activities, events, and the larger scale of friendships and relationships, I’ve learned that I do not have to stretch the rubber band that is my patience to its thinnest point. I don’t have to give 110% when everyone else is giving me 20%. I’ve learned that people’s efforts will dwindle with time just because they know you’ll hold up your end regardless. I’ve learned that I simply do not have to put up with anything that I don’t want to, and I’ve made the conscious decision not to do so.
People are attracted to “easy.” They’re eager to take the easiest route for everything in life. They will give you the barest of minimums with the expectation that you will not only cover for them, but will keep your mouth shut about doing so. During this beautiful “No ‘Superwoman’ November,” I’ve chosen to stop doing that. I realized that I do not have to compromise myself or my sanity in order to make life easier for the next person. People are very well-capable of doing the same duties, tasks, and assignments that I do. Y’all are very well-capable of putting in the same amount of effort that I do.
My favorite phrase this month has been, “You can.” “You can call them when you get a chance.” “You can do it whenever you get some free time.” “You can do your part and let me know when you’re finished.”
I’ve stopped trying to do everything for everyone everywhere. I’ve realized that people can do for themselves. My life should not be a never-ending “To-Do” list.
To all my Superwomen out there, you’re TheBomb.com. You’re dependable and driven. I know how it feels to want to do everything yourself because the next person won’t do it, or won’t do it right. But I also know how it feels to be on the edge of crazy because you’re too busy trying to cross oceans for people who won’t jump over puddles for you. Please don’t let anyone drive you to that point. It’s great to be a Superwoman, but even Superwoman’s got to take her cape off sometimes.