It always starts the same. You’re “just talking.” No labels, no pressure. It’s fun, it’s flirty, it’s chill—until suddenly, it’s not. Now your mood depends on when he texts you back. You find yourself checking his story, replaying convos, wondering what you are. You weren’t supposed to catch feelings—but here you are.
And even if he was never officially your man, your heart (and maybe your body) didn’t get the memo. That, sis, is the soul tie creeping in.
What’s a Soul Tie, Really?
A soul tie is an emotional and spiritual bond formed between two people, often through intimacy, vulnerability, and deep connection. It’s not just a crush, and it’s not always love—but it feels that way.
It’s when someone has access to you—your thoughts, your energy, your body—and even after things fade or fall apart, the attachment lingers. You still feel connected to them long after the late-night calls stop. You still think of them when certain songs play. You still compare everyone else to them, even if they never truly showed up for you.
Soul ties can form through sex, but they also form through time, consistency, emotional vulnerability, confusion, and shared moments that felt sacred, even if they were never labeled. You gave them a piece of you, and now it feels like they still have it—whether they deserved it or not.
Some soul ties feel safe and mutual. But others? They leave you confused, anxious, stuck on someone who was never fully yours. That’s when it becomes draining, even damaging—and that’s when it’s time to start cutting the tie.
Let’s Be Honest: We Say It’s Casual, But …
In college, it’s easy to talk yourself into being the chill girl. The one who doesn’t catch feelings. The one who can do the whole “no strings attached” thing like it’s second nature. But here’s the truth a lot of us avoid saying out loud: we were never built for casual.
Not because we’re weak or needy—but because we’re human. And there is nothing casual about letting someone into your body, your bed, your mind, your spirit. Nothing casual about being emotionally available to someone who can barely text you back. Nothing casual about performing confidence while quietly hoping they’ll choose you.
We say we’re just having fun, but the truth is—most of us are hoping they’ll change. Hoping the vibe turns into something real. Hoping that even without a title, they’ll still treat us like something sacred. But when they don’t, we blame ourselves. We stay. We settle. And we call it love when really, it’s emotional self-abandonment.
How to Cut the Tie (Even When You Still Miss Him)
Breaking a soul tie takes more than a block and a playlist. It takes intention. Here’s what can help:
Start detoxing emotionally, even if he’s still around.
That means pulling back your energy little by little. Stop trauma-dumping on him. Stop texting first every time. Start observing more and giving less. You don’t have to announce it—you just shift.
Stop calling it “love” when it’s actually emotional survival.
He might make you feel wanted in moments, but if you’re constantly questioning your worth, it’s not love. Love doesn’t keep you confused. Be honest about what it really is.
Pray or meditate on clarity—not just closure.
Sometimes the healing starts when you stop begging for answers and start asking for peace. Even if you’re not ready to let him go, you can ask God (or the universe) to help you want more.
Ask yourself: “What do I need today?”
Not what he needs. Not how to make him see your worth. But you. What makes you feel good? Go do that. Start rebuilding your day around yourself, not around his attention.
Track how you feel—honestly.
After every interaction, pause. Are you energized or drained? Secure or spiraling? That self-awareness is your compass out.
Fill your calendar with things that have nothing to do with him.
Pilates. Study dates. Journaling. New music. Hanging with people who make you feel light. When your life starts getting full, you’ll have less space to obsess over someone who only half-shows up.
Invest in something just for you. A goal. A passion. A hobby. A project. Start building your own momentum. The more you pour into yourself, the less you’ll seek validation from someone who doesn’t fill your cup.
Speak to yourself like someone you love.
You don’t have to hate him to heal—you just have to choose you more often. The real flex isn’t detachment overnight. It’s choosing your peace over your patterns, one day at a time.
You don’t need closure to heal. You don’t need to be chosen to feel worthy. You don’t need to hold onto pain to prove the connection was real. Soul ties can be intense, but they don’t define you.
So choose yourself. Every time. Again and again. Until the tie fades and all that’s left is your peace.