Morning people and voluntary early risers, get out of here. I’m talking to the night owls and poor evening decision makers, athletes and 8 a.m. classes. The people whose first thought when their morning alarm goes off is ‘I need a nap’.
Waking up early sucks. Personally, I have a Monday/Wednesday 6 a.m. alarm and a Tuesday/Thursday 5:30 a.m. alarm, but I’m a swimmer and that comes with the territory. That isn’t to say that anyone who wakes up for an 8 a.m. class has it easy. Any early wake up, let’s say before 8 a.m., is the absolute worst. To make my point, here’s the stages of an early wake up.
Stage One: Immediate Hatred and Regret
Your alarm goes off and you’re lying in bed. Maybe you lay there and let it ring, maybe you shut it off with a slap of your hand and enjoy a second of darkened silence before you get up. Either way, at this moment, you’re regretting every single decision that led you to this moment.
Stage Two: Pain
Because the lights have to go on and no matter how ready you think you are, you are in no way prepared for those blinding lights to burn your retinas. Also, is your room like 30 degrees colder or is that just your desire to go back to bed?
Stage Three: Zombie Shuffle
Full steps are just not an option right now. Shuffle, crawl, it doesn’t matter, just get to the bathroom and scrape some toothbrush bristles over your teeth and, if you’re blind like me, jab some contacts into your eyes and shuffle back to your room. Time to change clothes. Maybe you’re a prepper like me who doesn’t trust your morning self, so you layed out all of your clothes last night. Or, maybe you’re as disorganized at night as you are in the morning, so you have to snatch clothes and throw them together and hope it works. Try not to trip when you put pants on.
Stage Four: Nourishment?
What type of person are you in the morning? Do you wake up early enough to eat some actual food? Or, do you snag a poptart or skip it entirely and call it good enough? Personally, I recommend food or at least some caffeine or sugar to wake you up. Not only is it healthier, but I find that it relieves the zombie shuffle a little quicker.
Stage Five: Survive
Any day that starts with a way-too-early alarm is a day where survival is your greatest hope. Just get through it and hope to god you can get a full night of sleep next time. Or, maybe you’re still thinking you can squeeze in a nap during convo hour. Whatever your strategy is, survival is your only goal.
Mornings are the absolute worst, and I say that as someone who repeatedly has to be up before the sun. To all of my night owls forced to see the sun rise (or a professor at 8 a.m.), I wish you good luck. Maybe one day, however unlikely, we’ll learn to responsibly control our sleeping habits.