In my first year of university, I didn’t make a lot of friends. I tried talking to people in lecture, but our conversations never really went anywhere. I made a few friends participating in extracurriculars, but no one that I would call my close friend. Around the time when I had to start looking for a place to live for my second year, I was stuck with some people who probably wouldn’t have been my first choice. But, I tried to make it work.
For a while, I thought that maybe my roommates would become good friends, but instance after instance, I was proven wrong. Not only did they purposely exclude me, but whenever I approached them about it, it became a huge fight. Instead of apologizing and trying to make me feel like a part of the group, they came up with excuses, belittled me, and made me feel as if it were my fault for not ‘getting more involved’ with them. Every time they hurt my feelings or went behind my back, I sloughed it off and continued to be nice, because that’s how I was raised: to treat everyone the way you want to be treated. But, despite my hopes that they would change their attitude, things are still playing out the same way.
So, I’ve realized that you shouldn’t expect others to change. Unless they can see the error of their ways and can grow from it, there’s no point in trying to enlighten them. For my work of trying to open the eyes of those who couldn’t see, I was criticized, yelled at, and pushed away. What is worth the time is working on yourself. Instead of waiting around for nothing, I decided to get more involved. I signed up for clubs like Her Campus and volunteered to add branches to my network and keep me busy. Not only does this help keep me motivated, it’s a good way to de-stress and meet some amazing people!
I try to make self-care my number one priority because I’ve found it’s hard to help others if you can’t first help yourself. I’ve tried to surround myself with real friends who uplift me because I know they will treat me right. It’s best to move on and start fresh instead of hoping that people will change. That guy who only texts you at 2 am? Yeah, he probably won’t change his mind about dating. That girl who constantly gossips behind everyone’s back? She does that about you too, trust me. I’ve learned that just because I live with someone, doesn’t mean that we have to be best friends. If you’re struggling with the same issues, don’t be afraid to go your own way. Make yourself available to those who matter, and as for the rest…well, they can find a new roommate for next year! 😉