An open letter to the man who sexually assaulted me...

Warning: This article contains a description of sexual assault.

For the first time in my life, you made me feel ashamed of myself. 

You made me feel like my life wasn’t worth anything. 

You made me feel like I had no power. 

 

I have always been the girl that was an open book. You ask me anything and I tell anyone. No questions asked, no embarrassment. 

 

It was because of you that I felt embarrassed about what you did to me. I felt like people wouldn’t believe me when I told them. 

 

I was ashamed of what you did to me. 

 

There are days that I don’t feel like getting out of bed. There are days when I want to scream in your face for ruining everything good about myself. You took a part of me that no one was ever supposed to take. 

 

You took my voice, you took my body, you took my life. And you will never even know what you did to me. 

 

It’s the fear that someone will think that it was my fault. It was my fault for letting you into my home. It was my fault for not pushing you off of me. It was my fault for kissing you back. But something that no girl ever wants to admit is that sometimes kissing someone back is easier than telling them no. Sometimes we’re afraid of what you might do to us, so we try to just keep ourselves safe. 

 

But, it is your fault.

 

It is your fault that when I said no, you didn’t stop. It is your fault that when I tried to push you off, you pinned me down. It is your fault that to this day I feel like my life is no longer in my hands. You took the one thing from me that I can never get back. 

 

It is because of you that I feel ashamed of my body. It is because of you that I lost the confidence in myself that used to shine so bright. It is because of you that I feel like I need to be protected in a world that I should be safe in. 

 

You will never know what you did to me. You will never understand the loss you made me feel. You will never understand the embarrassment that I carry around every damn day of my life. And you will never be punished for your actions, because I was too embarrassed to sit in a police station and admit what happened to me. 

 

I shouldn’t be ashamed of who I am, or the body I am living in. But that is something I will have to live with for the rest of my life. 

 

Sincerely, 

The girl you raped.