“Let’s just go with the flow.”
Beware of the classic catch phrase of a man (or woman) who is going to lead you astray, and take you down the long and seemingly never ending journey of a “situationship.” While it’s normal to initially take time to feel somebody out and get to know each other, there is a fine line between this and getting trapped into a cycle of being taken for granted. It’s okay to go through a talking stage, but don’t settle for anything without a title if you want more.
So let’s break down the patterns you might recognize if your relationship is actually heading nowhere.
Have you met any friends?
Or do the excuses constantly pour out of him when it comes to hanging out in a group? Group settings should be the easiest place to hang. And how wouldn’t want to show off their trophy to their friends? If you haven’t been around their friends, it’s easy (and slightly correct) to assume that you’re a secret. They might have some explaining to do to their friends that they’re not willing to do. So there’s a chance that they’re keeping up the façade that they’re single.
What’s their social media like?
Social media does not ruin relationships. Sneaky people on social media ruins relationships. If you peep the random follows to females at 2 am coupled with them blowing up someone’s page, put one and one together. In no way should you add social media stalking to your list of hobbies, but if you’re working towards a relationship with someone, your SO shouldn’t be in competition for attention with anyone.
Have you discussed feelings?
Even the most stone cold, seemingly ‘hard’ person will break for someone they really care about. So the “I’m not good with feelings” excuse doesn’t cut it. It’s easy to remind someone you care about them that they are special – it doesn’t need to be constant but it should exist to some degree. Also, If they haven’t mentioned the future, that’s because they don’t see you in it. If they’re looking for nothing more than to be casual, everything they do and talk about in terms of you will be geared towards the present.
Are you included in their schedule?
If your SO takes your relationship seriously, they will make time for you. Even if they’re juggling a busy schedule, they will carve out even an hour of their time to make sure you know that you’re special. If they’re only hitting you up after a night out at Buckhead, looking to crash at your place, don’t be flattered. If they’re only loving on you behind closed doors with the lights off, don’t confuse their minimum efforts of attention as steps towards a relationship. You are a priority, not convenient.
So they’re hanging out with you. But in what capacity?
Sure, Netflix and chill can be appreciated by most people. However, Netflix and chilling for the fiftieth time in the span of months has “danger” written all over it. “I’m broke right now,” is not and will not ever be an excuse. Thoughtfulness is free and it doesn’t take much to make someone smile. So even if it’s a picnic in the park with PB&J, so be it. If you’ve been involved with someone for several weeks, several months … if they were serious about you, they would be willing to hang out and grow with you outside of their bedroom walls.
Obviously there are exceptions to all these rules. However, just in case, brace yourself for a long journey towards nothingness if your SO exhibits these characteristics.