As if walking down the street feeling the pressure to move swiftly isn’t enough, here you come attempting to get my attention after I have told you one time, “no thank you” or have put in the extra effort speed walk away from you in 4 inch pumps. No, it is not my fault that I dressed the way that I did nor is it my problem that you cannot comprehend what no really means. In short, I wasn’t asking for your unwarranted “affection”. It is not a ploy to get you to talk to me more, nor am I playing hard to get, but what I am telling you is to leave me alone.
There have been so many stories of women who have been violated, disrespected, called out of their name and assaulted all because she tried to get away from you, and in the most violent way possible our simple response is sometimes taken as if we are fighting for your attention. Trust me, we’re not. Particularly to those men who try to get closer than comfort and get offended when you basically threaten them and later, call you the infamous B word. Like seriously, your misogyny is showing from where ever you got that culture from. Much of this is embedded in rape culture, which is easily misunderstood as sole acts of physical and sexual violence. I hate to burst your bubble (not really), but rape culture goes more than the physical violation of human bodies because it all begins somewhere.
Objectivity, misogyny, oppression and so much more are embedded at such young ages for many boys that they grow up to be broken men. So no, our boys are not alright if they believe that the best way to get a woman to talk to you is to point out her physical features for your own pleasure. The boys will eventually fall victim to this intertwined version of “giving women attention” if they truly believe that making the female anatomy martyrs for their own pleasure is some type of backhanded award. Specifically, we as black women suffer the most.
By nature, we are built curvy, fuller and thicker than most, which is something that needs to learn how to be celebrated instead of blueprinted for a “how to” navigation guide for dummies. Seriously, do better with the handling of care of the black bodies of women. This may not seem like such a big deal, but when you are trying to do something as simple as getting to class and you feel the heat of eyes staring at you as you approach them, there is a premeditated defense mechanism that activates. To simply say, it is not us, it is you. It is not our clothes, it your lack of self control. It is not our walk, it is your inability to take a hint.
But, it is also the examples of what you have been raised to see and your inability to know the difference. From enlightened sexism plaguing our media to men truly thinking that it is okay to only respect their mothers and sisters but not their peers, classmates and coworkers. From men thinking that if I believe in feminism then she’s too smart or that she’s not actually smart. Or if I am wearing that dress or those jeans, then I clearly wants attention. Sometimes, it is never that simple and for you to think that it is, is only adding insult to injury.
So, to the problematic cat callers, street walkers, businessmen, coworkers and classmates…stop your crap. Learn about your bad habits and how you have to change the nature of them. It all begins at the root. Understand that at some point you are taking part in rape culture and must decide when you will turn the other cheek, but most importantly, keep your d*mn catcalls to yourself.
Signed, a highly annoyed black woman.