Are You Emotionally Unavailable?

According to Healthline,  emotional availability deals with a person’s ability to create and maintain emotional connections within relationships, primarily romantic relationships.

However, due to complex circumstances such as emotional trauma, baggage, and fear itself, the pain of those unhealed experiences can and has motivated many of us to avoid relationships or anything that may result in a triggering battle with intimacy.

Spotting out emotional availability can be difficult to spot in ourselves and other partners. In fact, the beginning of the relationship can easily feel like the two of you are in sync and heading in the right direction. It is not too long after that the emotional disconnect becomes more and more prevalent within that bond. 

Two women sit at a table and talk Photo by Christina @ wocintechchat.com from Unsplash

Been in a situation like this before? Unsure if you were the emotionally unavailable one in a relationship? No worries! Here are a few signs to look out for to help identify the obstacles that are keeping you or your partner from developing an emotional connection.

  1. Your independence feels like it’s at risk.

  2. You never truly know how they feel in certain circumstances. 

  3. They avoid deep conversations like the plague.

  4. When you think about relationships, you view them as a 9 to 5.

  5. The pattern of emotional unavailability continues without you fully wondering why. 

men sitting on bench Photo by Mental Health America from Pexels

Before you start wallowing into a downward spiral of self pity, being emotionally unavailable is not a relational death sentence. In fact, it does not determine your worth or your ability to be loved. Coming to terms with this merely exposes you to the aspects of your life that are in need of healing. Being aware of these things gives you the opportunity to engage in behaviors that shift you and your relationships into a healthier state of mind. Here are a few tips to help uproot and properly deal with your relationship baggage:

  1. Utilize therapy. Some traumas may require the help of a mental health professional. And that is okay! They are here to help you unpack, address and unlearn various beliefs and messages that may have been internalized in the past. 

  2. Find ways to practice being vulnerable with yourself first. This can be done by  writing in your journal, recording your entries, or expression yourself through art and music. 

  3. Focus on the small changes. Don’t stress yourself by expecting immediate results! You didn’t become emotionally distant overnight, so why expect your healing to occur overnight as well? Take it a day at a time. Enjoy the process. 

writing in journal on desk Photo by NeONBRAND from Unsplash

At the end of the day, digging into emotional vulnerabilities is no walk in the park. It takes effort and patience to evolve into the most honest version of yourself.

However, by taking the time to identify the troubling spots and actively working to heal in these areas, you are already on the right track! Soon, you will be reaping the rewards that you sow within yourself and your relationships.