When I was in high school, I had so much motivation and determination to succeed academically. I spent hours studying and creating flashcards. It got to the point where, rather than my parents telling me to study for my exams, they had to tell me to stop and take breaks, because I was driving myself crazy with the effort I was putting in.
In the end, that effort paid off. I managed to leave school a year early (after S5, the fifth year of Scottish secondary school) because I’d achieved the grades I needed for my dream university. I took a year off to work, then began my degree last September.
the drive disappeared
I realised very quickly that a lot of the drive that I had at 16 when I was studying for my exams had dissipated, and I found it difficult to motivate myself to complete assignments any sooner than the last possible minute.
For me, excelling in school was all about getting into university; there was a specific goal I needed to meet, and so I put everything I had into achieving it. However, once I actually started my degree, I found that I no longer had a reason to put the same level of effort into my coursework – my mindset changed from wanting to be at the top of the class to being alright with getting lower grades and just passing.
THE GUILT
Part of me feels ashamed of this, like I’m letting my younger self down by taking for granted something she worked so hard to achieve.
I know it’s a slightly strange way of thinking. I’ve gone from having eight exams within a single month to fewer exams spread across the year, so of course I’m studying less. And I try to remember that grades aren’t everything. In 40 years, when I look back on my time at university, I know I’ll be glad I let loose and had fun.
if this sounds like you
I hope anyone reading this who’s had a similar experience since starting their degree feels a little less alone. You’re no less smart or capable just because you’re struggling with motivation.
You’ll get so much more out of your younger years by allowing yourself to enjoy your life, rather than staying holed up in your room studying for hours on end.