At 18, you’ve been an adult for zero years, and you’re still learning to keep your head up. At 20, you’ve been an adult for two years, and you’ve only just learned to walk on your own. At 25, you’re still learning every day.
18 isn’t the end of learning
Turning 18 doesn’t magically turn you into the perfect “adult.” Your age may have changed, but that doesn’t mean you’re suddenly, fundamentally on your own.
When I turned 18, I felt immense pressure to be perfect and to not need anyone. I felt ashamed if I needed help with something, no matter what it was, and I believed that if I couldn’t do something by myself, I would fail at life. Over the past year and a half, I’ve learned that asking for help is not a failure. It’s a strength.
I don’t think anybody can go through life alone. We need people, whether that’s family by blood or by choice. How can you succeed without a community that supports you, and that you support in return? Your community can uplift you, bring you joy, give you opportunities, and fill your life with purpose.
It takes a village
The saying “it takes a village” usually refers to raising children, but I believe it applies to life in general.
At 18, many people move out of their family homes and begin living independently from their parents or carers. That can feel incredibly isolating, and can trick you into thinking you have to do everything by yourself. Adulthood is its own journey of growth, and you can’t do it alone.
To find your village, you need to be open to receiving help, but also to giving it. Be a villager.
Think about the game Animal Crossing: New Horizons (one of my personal favourites). On your island, you’re surrounded by cute little animals who give you gifts, talk to you every day, and ask your opinion on big decisions. Take a leaf out of their book. Stay in contact with your friends, invite them over, and even do your errands together if you’re short on time.
Friendship and community are a two-sided coin, and it’s important to give as much as you get.
Don’t leave your childhood behind
For many people, 18 is the age they move away from their childhood homes. That also means leaving family, friends and pets behind. It can be tempting, or even seem easier, to push those people to the back of your mind. Maybe it hurts too much to miss them, or you worry you’ll seem childish spending time with your parents. Don’t let those thoughts drag you away from people who love you.
It’s okay to enter a new stage of life and meet new people, but don’t forget the ones who helped shape who you’ve become. Arrange meet-ups with your friends, FaceTime your sister, visit your grandparents at the weekend. Don’t be afraid to go home, whether it’s for weekends, birthdays or holidays. Go home as much as you need to. There’s no limit.
One thing I always tell myself when I’m struggling with being away from home is that I’m so privileged to have a place, and people, I miss this much. As much as missing your family and friends can hurt, it’s also a gift, and proof of how lucky you are to have them.
Call your Mum. She’ll appreciate it, and I bet you will too.
Stay whimsical
As you get older, there can be pressure to lose your playful nature and imagination. Don’t listen to the haters.
Keep skipping through the park, get cream AND marshmallows on your hot chocolate, and collect those little trinkets that make you smile. Why should you change just because your age is a different number now?
There’s an important difference between being fun and whimsical and being childish or immature. Don’t seek out or create drama for the sake of it, don’t treat others badly because they’re different, and don’t have a tantrum when you don’t get your favourite table at a restaurant. Maturity is so in, and so is honouring your inner child.
At the end of the day, just have fun, get your coffee that’s practically a dessert, and don’t let anyone’s judgement bother you. They’re probably jealous of your iced brown sugar oat shaken espresso with a pump of vanilla anyway.
You’re going to be okay
Growing up is scary, and I’ll be the first to admit it. You can feel like nothing will ever be the same again. That’s not exactly true. You can’t relive your childhood, but you can build a life that’s just as fulfilling, if not better.
Eighteen isn’t a death sentence. It’s the start of something new and exciting. Go out there and live the life you want to live.