Dear self,
I want to take this time to apologize to you for all the troubles that I have caused you in the past. I have done nothing to fully commit myself to taking care of you, not only physically, but mentally, emotionally, spiritually and financially. For me, I felt that you didn’t deserve those basic necessities because there was a feeling of not being good enough to have them and not being strong enough to maintain them.
I want to apologize for holding you back from being the best version of yourself. All of those times when you wanted to be fully happy and you wanted to do the things that excite you the most. I was afraid. Afraid that someone would come and steal that joy away from you, that someone would find a way to judge me and take my self-esteem away to cause me to stray away from my happiness. I felt that I rather stick to my limits than walk out of my comfort zone.
I want to apologize to my health for not taking the proper precautions to not making sure I’m not just in shape but in perfect health. For me, I strayed towards the bad foods to run away from the life that I dealt with. It was a comfort that ultimately gave me more discouragement than before and getting back to that place of where things were before discouragement took its toll will be harder than before.
I want to apologize to my heart from loving the wrong things and the wrong people. The heartbreak that they cause was from that gut feeling that I did not listen to. Emotions took over my mind and logic went out the door and even though they were no good from you, I forced love into you and feelings were hurt. I am sorry that I did not protect you like I should have and that I let the wrong people stomp over you.
I want to apologize to my mind for playing games with you. Not being mature enough to understand and forcing ugly opinions of others into “ALTERNATIVE FACTS” about you. I used it as a defense mechanism to stray away from potential failures in life that everyone has to face. I took in what others had to say and used it against your will and that wasn’t right or wasn’t fair
Lastly, I want to apologize to you for having to write this in the first place. We all have to go through the storm in order to understand that potential that we had within us the entire time. There isn’t a doubt in my mind that old habits won’t try to creep up, but now I know that I have fully forgiven myself for all the harm I caused.
Sincerely,
ME