It starts out sweet – we meet someone we like, fall in love, commit ourselves to lofty ideas for the future, think it’s forever. But sometimes, it’s not.
The months after a breakup are exceptionally rough. We’ve all been there! We think, “I will never fall in love again, because it’s just too painful.” Why would we want to put ourselves through that again? But a few months pass and lo and behold, we find ourselves back in the dating game, wearing our hearts on our sleeve, ready to finally find the one (hopefully!)
Now, I’ve had my fair share of heartbreak. And many times, I’ve thought – “what’s the point?” I’ve felt abandoned and hurt and betrayed. Breakups are never fun nor are they easy.
But after ending a long term relationship in 2023, I have come to realize that breakups can be important to the creation of a better you. And I would go as far as to say – I think everyone should experience a breakup at least once in their life. Here’s why:
Breakups teach us how to be alone.
Sometimes we lose ourselves in a relationship. We adopt our partner’s likes and dislikes, prioritize them, and start making plans for the future with them. Some of us daydream, while others take significant steps like moving in with them.
However, after the breakup, the life we created with our partner is no longer a possibility. We find ourselves alone to face reality. After all, we have to relearn solitude; whether it be going alone to places you once went with your partner, realizing you don’t have a Valentine’s Day date, or even sleeping alone in an empty bed.
Learning to pick up the pieces of your life after someone leaves is a skill that I believe breakups teach us. Once you can pick up the pieces of your heart and create a better life for yourself, you are then equipped to do it again in the future. If you can realize that life without a significant other isn’t the total doom and gloom you thought it’d be, your own company becomes fulfilling. You don’t need a partner to complete you because you’re whole on your own. In fact, multiple studies on married couples and life-long singles show that happiness levels depend on one’s fulfillment in overall life and not their relationship status (Psychology Today).
Breakups force us to introspect and analyze.
How many times have you blamed yourself for the way things ended? I know I tried to make sense of why my relationship ended and questioned my part in it. While it’s easy to place the onus of the breakup on ourselves, that’s not rooted in fact.
But all that questioning and analysis can bring clarity. For me, I realized that I needed to work on my attachment style. By reflecting on my relationship, I found things that I needed to improve on but also practices that had worked. I truly believe I would not have learned these things about myself had I not gone through my breakup.
Breakups make us resilient.
Something as painful as a breakup will shatter you and force you to build yourself back up. The first few weeks afterwards, it might feel like you will never be okay. But there comes a point where there are no tears left to cry, no more analysis to do, and no more blame to place. At that point, we realize that life goes on and we need to too. So, what do we do? We pick ourselves up, dust our hearts off, keep our chins up, and move on. And that kind of resiliency only makes us stronger for the future!
Breakups help us learn what we want in our next relationship.
After months of self-healing, I realized which characteristics I did not want in a future partner and finally committed to my non-negotiables. It’s all about trial and error, right? Each relationship makes you write a longer list of what you like and dislike. Essentially, every relationship we go through is bringing us closer and closer to our desired partnership.
And lastly, breakups give us the opportunity to become a whole new version of ourselves.
After a breakup, we get a chance to renew ourselves. We can literally be whoever we want! Have you ever wanted to be that girl? Do it! Did you wish you were more outgoing or social but didn’t prioritize that before? Now you can! The world is our oyster, and we can put our best foot forward, whatever that may mean to us. The opportunities are endless. Post-breakup glow up is a real thing and I am all for it!
Related: The 6-Week Method to Heal After a Break-Up
After the end of my relationship, I was a complete and utter mess. But over time, I relearned how to be happy alone, how to date myself, and most of all – how to love myself. And now, I can finally say that I am glad it happened. Because now, I have a better understanding of myself and my desires, and I have gained strength that I would have never cultivated otherwise.
The healing process is not linear but it’s exceptionally important for self-growth. And trust me, a few months down the line, you’ll look back and be glad it happened. I promise!