I’ve always found it so strange how much better the past seems when we’re not living it at the moment. And it’s ironic really, how much importance we give to our past in the moment, only for it to end up being a forgotten memory a year later. I came across a post recently talking about how the transition period between any 2 back to back events is the biggest torture a person could ever experience , And as privileged as it might seem, it made me linger on those few lines longer than I anticipated to.
Over the years I have dropped countless hobbies, left many projects half-done, collecting dust, and rushed through so much of my work just for that sigh of relief when I get to be finally done, only to realize I was never “there” while being, quite literally, there. And now my hobbies lay there, forgotten as the responsibilities of life take over, tarnishing the progress that could have been made in my youth had I persisted. I think I’d like to add my own melodrama to that and call it “The Pain of Becoming”.
It makes me think about a saying , “if you pray for flowers, don’t wonder why it rains”.
We all want to be a flower, rise so far above the ground we forget how our roots branched in the first place and we all want to stand out, but none of us want to nurture into that flower, we don’t want to experience getting rained on, having to start from the ground over, and having to push through the wet soil of our lives. We push away budding out our seeds, procrastinate growing our stems inch by inch, maturing our leaves, all because it’s too uncomfortable, and flat out painful. We would rather just blossom our petals, call it a day’s work and believe that we deserve recognition for the work we put in. But we know that real life doesn’t work like that.
The mental and physical process of growth that we should supposedly “enjoy” and live in the moment for , feels more draining than it does rewarding , all because it requires us to be present. It requires us to acknowledge our faults, challenges us to try things that are unfamiliar to us , and realize that real growth comes from making ourselves dedicated. But come on, saying you’re dedicated is much easier said than done in my opinion. The mere energy , time and discipline that’s required to reach that stage exhausts you to a point of wanting to do everything but doing nothing at all.
So sure , stepping out of our comfort zone is torture , its a painstakingly horrible experience on the psyche , but the price of NOT becoming at all is the worst of all.