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Late Night Chats With Michael John: How to Lose a Guy (at a party) In 3 Ways

Last week, I gave out a few pointers on how to continue living the fabulous life of an “it” girl without falling victim to the mistakes that could taint your rep and turn you into “that” girl. I thought I had covered virtually all of the bases when it came to keeping it fresh, clean, and classy, but after awkwardly sitting in on all male conversation, I couldn’t help but feel that I was missing something. I confided my curiosity in the and only Michael John, who played guru for the night, and filled me in on a couple of major mistakes girls make and that guys can’t stand.

The Squatter
“Nobody wants to see a river streaming down the driveway with a girl behind it.   Go inside and wait for the bathroom.” - Michael John

I never really thought of this as an issue since it never occurred to me to go out to the bushes and let out my inner canine. Yet, apparently some ladies prefer the comfort of a pile of leaves as opposed to a seat on the golden throne. This is an issue. Obviously, it isn’t

exactly “sexy” to be one with nature and let loose in the wild if you’re trying to snag the digits of the cutie across the room. Take a raincheck on a trip to the woods and ask where the bathroom is. If there’s a line, bring along a friend- it’ll give you the chance to fill each other in about what’s going on at the party, and you’ll both get to primp yourselves up in the mirror.

The Klutz
“If you’re falling down the stairs- Get out. Unless you don’t mind being the laughing stock of the house for the next week. Here’s some advice- use the handrail.” - Michael John

Some of us cannot help but be less than coordinated, but apparently guys DO remember our slips across the kitchen floor, our flights down the stairs, and our slides across the
dance floor. It isn’t easy to keep both feet on the floor during the day– let alone be expected to be graceful in a pair of five inch pumps. That being said, keep the outrageous movements to a minimum if you feel unstable, or if there is a significantly large group of people watching you. The smaller the audience, the less chance there is that you’ll be remembered as “that” girl who face planted in the living room because she was trying to “twerk.”

The Creep
“If you start creeping on someone, they’re going to get uncomfortable, and you’ll probably never be wanted back.” - Michael John

I have a wandering eye, and sometimes I happen to fixate on someone’s face. At times, it may be awkward, but after the initial shock of realizing I look kind of creepy, I continue on with my day. This scenario is a bit different at parties- everything is interpreted as a bit more flirtatious, including eye contact. Boys may be a bit slow to pick up on certain things, but if they peak around and come to realize that your face has taken up permanent residency in their peripheral vision they will– with out a doubt– notice. And they will be freaked out.
They’ll probably tell all their bros that “You’re so into” him- that “He could totally get with you if he wanted.” He will probably claim that you are really weird for following him around all night.Take a hint, do yourself a favor, and go do your own thing instead of latching to someone like a starving leech. Be independent and mysterious- and if he’s worth it, he’ll come find you.

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