Humans survive off of connection. It doesn’t matter if you are introverted or extroverted, outgoing or quiet, physically affectionate or permanently enclosed in a personal space bubble; we all need connection. The capacity to which we find that connection may vary from person to person, however at the end of the day the truth stands: we all need to find our tribe. Social interaction has been proven to lower suicide rates, increase serotonin levels, and improve physical health. And when we are surrounded with all the right people this is absolutely true, but have you ever had someone in your life that has drained the energy out of you, made you question your value, or made you compromise something you stood for?
For the most part, everyone I know has experienced a relationship in their life that they would consider “unhealthy”. It could be a toxic friendship, a destructive family member, an unfavorable boss or coworker, or any other strenuous person in your life. No matter who it is, most people know what it’s like to be on the other side of an unbalanced relationship. Although it may be addressed in social media, pop culture, and our everyday life, most people don’t really know what to do when they find themselves a part of an unhealthy relationship. Unfortunately, because it is so prevalent in media “cancel culture” is growing and it needs to stop.
What is cancel culture and why is it so dangerous? “Cancel Culture” is a concept that arose in media where people began to “cancel” or boycott a celebrity for a mistake they made or an opinion they had. Since the prevalent use of this in media, this concept has become integrated and even expected in our everyday life. If someone makes a mistake our first instinct is to make them feel bad or even to cut them off completely. This is a dangerous and unfair way to handle a situation.
There are many things we can do to reconstruct the unhealthy relationships in our life into relationships that thrive. Here are a few steps to take when trying to turn an unhealthy relationship into a healthy one.
1. Evaluate yourself
As much as we may want to deny it, a good portion of the time a relationship may have become toxic because of us. I’m not saying that we are completely to blame for a struggling relationship, but if you look at the situation objectively, I’m sure you’ll find ways that you can improve. Are you not setting clear boundaries? Are you not communicating your feelings regularly? Are you setting impossibly high expectations for the other person? If so, it might be time to adjust those behaviors instead of putting all the blame on the other person. After all, you are the only person that you have the power to change. And if you are not communicating clearly that you are hurting or that the other person is not meeting your needs, they won’t be able to do anything to fix their side of the relationship.
2. Adopt Boundaries
To ensure that your relationship will be successful in the future, prioritize yourself and the other person by setting clear boundaries for you both to follow. An example of this in practice could be preventing being controlled by the other person by being firm in your choices, big or small. There is a difference between valuing their opinion and letting them control your life. By establishing boundaries, you are communicating your expectations for the relationship and taking the pressure off them to meet your needs without knowing what they are.
3. Let them go
It is important to keep in mind that not every relationship is going to work out. It doesn’t have to be a long painful process. You don’t have to make a scene. Sometimes it is just better to let the other person go if you are unwilling or unable to change. To know when to let go of a relationship can be tough. However, if you are not being treated how you deserve to be treated in a relationship and you have properly communicated your expectations, and they still are not willing to respect you, know it is time to move on.
Relationships are tricky, and it takes time to learn how to communicate and set boundaries. Every person is different in the way they deal with relationships, and there are no black and white answers. However, if you are open, honest, patient, and approach the situation fairly you will quickly learn the best way to construct a healthy relationship.