Think about the words you use everyday. What do you say on a daily basis? Do you say good morning to your family every morning as you come down the stairs? Do you tell your dog that you love them 50 times a day? Do you say um or like before every other word like I do because my mouth works faster than my brain? I know it’s hard to try and recall what exact words you use every day because we use roughly 12,000-16,000 words a day! That’s a lot to keep track of. But what if I told you that there are some things that you say that are indicators of negative mental health?
Many psychologists have found correlation between what people say and how they think of themselves. If you’re thinking that’s impossible, let me give you a little bit of insight into the world of language psychology.
When psychologists measure a person’s personality through their language, they are often analyzing 5 things right off the bat. These 5 things include Openness: how open you are to new experiences, Conscientiousness: Your level of self discipline, Extraversion: How outgoing you are, Agreeableness: how trusting you are, Neuroticism: how emotional you are. These 5 insights are called the “big-5” and psychologists who specialize in language psychology are able to understand a person’s personality exclusively in the words they use. On top of the Big 5 characteristics of language analysis, there are many other theories surrounding language but one that is especially interesting is self supporting vocabulary vs self criticising vocabulary.
This language theory claims that the way you speak tells people how you see your self worth. Isn’t that interesting? The words you use everyday are a look into how you talk to yourself internally. One of the greatest phenomenons of this theory is the use of apologizing vs appreciating vocabulary. Apologizing for yourself constantly usually means you don’t view yourself as being worthy of taking up the same space that others take up. I have a real life example of this; one time I was on a road trip and was coming out of the bathroom stall to a person who was waiting and I apologized three times! As if their need to go to the bathroom was higher priority than my need. You may do this too without realizing it. You may say I’m sorry I’m late, or I’m sorry that I still don’t understand, I’m not very smart. When in reality you should be using self supporting vocabulary that instills gratitude instead of a lack of self confidence. An example of self supporting vocabulary is “I appreciate you taking the time to teach me.” or “I appreciate that you waited on me even though I was behind schedule”. These little shifts in vocabulary give you an opportunity to thank someone for being patient while not cutting down on your own worth.
You are allowed to take up space. You do not need to apologize for not being successful or for not being on time, and you don’t need to say sorry for being human. It is natural to make mistakes and to fall short of your own expectations sometimes. But by changing the way you speak when you do that, will greatly shift the way you view your shortcomings and will make you more patient with yourself. Little changes in the way you speak about yourself will result in big changes in how you see yourself and you deserve to be seen with all the love and light that you can possibly give yourself.