Ok, I know what you’re thinking. “She deleted all of her social media accounts? Is she insane? Does she need resuscitation?”
The answer to all of those questions is actually a big fat “no.” I deleted the social media apps on my phone, including Tumblr, Instagram, Twitter, and Pinterest. I had to keep Facebook (yes had to, because Georgia College uses Facebook to connect with its students, which is the only reason I created my Facebook account in the first place). The reason I deleted just the apps and not the accounts themselves was because my personal problem with social media was not constantly uploading content, but constantly looking at other people’s content and making comparisons with myself and other people. That’s just not healthy. I deleted the apps from my phone so I could no longer take the one-way ride to self-hatred town whenever I wasn’t busy with something else.
Whenever my hands were not occupied, I’d automatically reach for my phone and scroll to where my social media apps used to be. Since they weren’t there anymore, I’d automatically realize how silly I was to just want to scroll through my social media without any real purpose. I also realized how much I must have been on my social media accounts without even consciously thinking about it. It’s like I was absent-mindedly scrolling, scrolling, scrolling. I had done it so much that now I just did it without even thinking about it. What’s really scary, though, is that while I was scrolling, I was also making comparisons. I’d see a girl in clothes that I didn’t own and I would tell myself I needed to have what she had. I’d see a girl with incredible makeup, and tell myself that the products I was using weren’t good enough. I’d see people my age driving expensive cars and tell myself that what I had was not enough. I made these comparisons every time I scrolled through my apps and so just as I started scrolling automatically without thinking about it, I also started to make comparisons automatically without thinking about it. While these comparisons made me very unhappy, they also made any self-esteem I had drop to below zero. These images of these seemingly perfect people with perfect lives were making me feel like my own life that I was living was not enough.
Once I realized what was happening to me (which took a really long time), I moved my social media apps to the next page on my phone, away from my other apps. I hoped that if I didn’t see them right when I unlocked my phone, I wouldn’t get on them as much. I was totally wrong about that. I just ended up unlocking my phone and immediatly scrolling to the next page to check my social media. So, when that didn’t work, I deleted the apps completely. And you know what? I didn’t miss them. Like, at all. Because I was scrolling absent-mindedly, I wasn’t even concerned with anything I was looking at. All I was gaining (or losing, actually) from all the scrolling was a loss of my self-esteem. So when I deleted the apps, I didn’t miss them at all because I hadn’t been really paying attention to them anyway.
Once the apps were gone, I immediately noticed a change in myself. I would get dressed in the morning and look in the mirror and not pick myself apart. I would actually feel good about what I looked like. Wow…that felt weird. I was so used to diving in the self-hatred pool in the mornings that it honestly felt really weird to look in the mirror and feel okay.
Not only did I feel okay in the mornings, I felt okay all day. Making comparisons with people on social media made me feel like I was not enough. Now that I wasn’t scrolling every free minute of every day, I was more concerned with myself and not concerned with other people. In 21st-century-slang terms, I was “staying in my own lane,” and damn did it feel good. I felt like I had my mojo back. I started dressing like myself again (aka, my own personal style), I got my 3rd ear piercings, I cut my hair shorter. I was no longer crippled by the feeling of not being enough. My flame was no longer being blown out by comparisons. All of the sudden I had the confidence to do what I wanted. I actually felt secure with myself for once and it was kind of amazing.
I went about two weeks with absolutely no social media usage. For the past few weeks I’ve been re-downloading Instagram just to upload a picture I’d like to share and then deleting it after a few hours. I re-downloaded Pinterest after a few weeks of no comparisons, because Pinterest is a huge source of inspiration for me. I don’t scroll absent-mindedly through it anymore. Whenever I get on Pinterest, I have a purpose. I haven’t been on Tumblr or Twitter for a full month. I don’t miss either at all.
I really do feel more comfortable in my own skin after this social media cleanse. It’s like I’ve trained my brain to stop making the all of the comparisons. If you think you’re doing this same thing, I encourage you to experiment and start by just deleting the apps for a while and see if you notice any difference with how you treat yourself. I bet you will!