Why I Didn't Get Cosmetic Surgery

Women get cosmetic surgery for a variety of reasons, and to be honest, their reasons are none of my business. We are free to mold and change our bodies as we please without explanation. I have never had a negative perception of cosmetic surgery, and growing up, my mother was always open with me and others about what procedures she had done. She never gave me any concrete reasons as to why she was getting certain procedures, but I now realize that she did not need to provide me with reasons or defend her choices. She always reassured me that I was perfect already, but there was also nothing wrong with changing a few things if I wanted to. 

I have a lazy eye, and as a child, I was relentlessly picked on, made fun of, and humiliated because of it. In middle school, I got huge sweeping bangs cut to cover my lazy eye. I purposefully avoided pictures and I did everything possible to avoid drawing attention to it.

 During my freshman year of highschool, a little girl at my neighborhood pool told me boys would never love because of my lazy eye. That was my breaking point, and I ran home and sobbed. I let a five year old girl affect my feelings and self-worth. After the incident, I told my parents I wanted to consult a doctor about correcting my lazy eye. That spring, we flew to Boston to consult a doctor about my options. 

As I sat in the cold, rigid, vinyl chair of the waiting room I realized I was doing this for all the wrong reasons. I was doing this to make everyone else comfortable. I wanted boys to like me and for the jokes to stop. I was waving a white flag at anyone who ever made me feel different. It was hard to pay attention to the doctor’s words when I was overwhelmed with so much shame. I was letting a child’s words dictate my self-worth. When I left the doctor’s office, I told my father I made a mistake. 

I flew home looking the same way I do now. I may change my mind in the future about correcting my lazy eye, but I just can’t justify that choice at this point in my life, I would only be hurting myself. I know there is absolutely nothing wrong with cosmetic surgery, but no one should do it to gain the approval of others. If my lazy eye is the one thing that makes a man not want to marry me, then I don't want him anyways.