The hard truth is, we are all going to end up hurt at some point in our lives. You might not know how to move forward or forgive someone when this happens. The act of forgiveness requires patience, compassion, and understanding. This is not always an easy process. Below, I have provided a list of steps I go through when I need to forgive someone or myself:
1. Acknowledge your emotions.
What good does it do if you suppress the pain, instead of acknowledging your emotions? No matter what you are feeling: anger, hurt, embarrassment, or sadness, allow yourself to feel the pain. Do not pretend like it isn’t there. Do not deny its existence. Cry about it. Yell about it. Journal about it. Talk to someone about it. But do not ever deny your emotions’ existence. I can tell you from experience, pretending like you are not hurt ends up hurting you even more.
2. Recognize the mistake.
After allowing yourself to experience and recognize your emotions, recognize the mistake. Whether you or someone else was in the wrong, you need to acknowledge what happened that caused you to feel hurt.
3. Talk to your inner critic.
As I am sure many of you can relate, I am my own worst critic. Most often, when something goes awry, I am quick to blame myself. However, you need to remind yourself that not everything is your fault, and you are your own easiest target. Notice what you are telling yourself, write it down, and reflect on these messages. I guarantee, most of the time, you are being far too critical of yourself. An exercise I like to do is: write down all my negative thoughts, flip the paper over, and write down compassionate or rational responses. This exercise reminds me to be kinder to myself.
4. Take your own advice.
Pretend you are talking to your best friend about your situation, and take note of what you say. What would you tell your friends to do if they were in the same situation?
5. Think about it as a learning experience.
While you may not fully understand why each obstacle is put in your path or why you make certain mistakes, each provides an opportunity for you to learn something from it. Honestly, this step is what helps me move on from past situations. Everything put in your path serves a purpose.
I hope this list helps you next time you need to practice forgiveness. Please, remember to be kind to yourself. Forgiving someone or yourself is not always easy, but remember to be patient because it will happen with time.