Leading up to COVID-19, I had a reckoning with my use of social media. For a long period of time, I had trouble feeling comfortable on social media platforms. During my freshman year of high school, I learned that a group of friends had been secretly talking about me behind my back, and suddenly, being on a platform with so many “friends,” didn’t feel quite so safe. I would go through phases of deleting the app from my phone, but I had never taken the step of deleting my Instagram account because I didn’t feel that I had a good enough reason.
It got to the point where my follower count bothered me; it exceeded the number of people I could come into contact with in a year, and as my count grew, so did my anxiety. The anxiousness was always in the back of my mind — I didn’t know if I could trust all of these faces, and I didn’t like the weight that’s associated with always looking perfect, maintaining a feed.
I finally took the step to delete my account in its entirety, right before COVID hit. I only did this because, in addition to how I felt, I knew that I could be spending my time in better ways. And I wanted to explore that– to read more books, explore yoga, and spend more time hiking with friends. At the end of the day, I didn’t see its value. I felt such a sense of relief going about my day during my time off of social media. I didn’t miss Snapchat or Instagram– If anything, I felt more present in my day-to-day life.
But then, COVID happened. It was surreal; one day I was at the rodeo with friends, and the next we were on lockdown. It all happened so quickly, yet it simultaneously seems so long ago. It wasn’t until the months of quarantine that I realized the hidden value of social media. During this time of limited social gatherings and uncertainty, Social Media filled the gap.
I’ve come to personally realize that I like Social Media. I started a new account this semester, and I like being able to see how my friends are doing at other universities. It helps me to keep in touch with people I’ve come to know, and with a smaller follower count, I feel a lot more intentional and able to be authentic. I’ve re-downloaded Snapchat, and while I’ll never be an avid user, I love being able to keep in touch with my best friends. At this point in my life, the positives far outweigh the negatives.
I feel a lot happier with my intentions as of now; I don’t use the platforms much, but I also don’t feel that I would ever need to set limits on my time. The best way for me to go about my day is turning off all notifications on social media and only using the apps when I feel like it, which is pretty rare throughout my day. One thing I’ve realized recently is that the effort I put into posting will serve me in that I’ll be able to look back on the things I’ve done and the places I’ve been later in life.