Ahh, Miamians. We all know at least one here in Tallahassee and you can always tell them apart in a crowd. Why is that, you ask? Native Miamians have a, como se dice, specific brand that is visible in every aspect of them. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, allow me to educate you on the 305 ways. Here are some characteristics every Miami native possesses, written by a born and raised Miamian herself.
1. You greet people with a cheek kiss.
This one for me is a dead giveaway that someone is from Miami. In Hispanic culture, it is customary to greet someone with a kiss on the cheek. Let me just say that it’s not the norm here in the South, as I’ve learned from personal experience.
2. You can literally never, ever be on time.
You might argue this isn’t characteristic of a whole city…but trust me, it is. In Miami, we have what’s called “Cuban time” which means if you want someone to arrive by 8 p.m., you tell them the event is at 6 p.m. If you don’t believe me, think about the last time your Miami friend was on time to anything. Exactly. I rest my case.
3. Turn signal? Never met her!
It can be argued that Miamians are some of the worst drivers in the world, and I agree. Trying to get a Miami driver to use their turn signal is like asking a pig to fly. I’ll believe it when I see it.
4. “Omg you’re from Miami too? What high school did you go to?!”
If I had a dollar for every time I asked this or someone asked me this question when I’ve revealed I’m from Miami, I would be able to pay off all my student debt. Then you get into “OMG, so do you know (insert any generic Hispanic name here). It’s a whole thing. I won’t get into it.
5. Your winter clothes make a special appearance at 75 degrees Fahrenheit.
Now this one is a pretty obvious indication that you’ve got a Miamian on your hands. We have one season in Miami and it’s summer. When the weather dips even a little, we don’t know how to act. Just let us enjoy our pretend winter that we’ve been deprived of our whole lives.
6. You speak the stereotypical vocabulary.
It’s pretty hard for a Miamian to go a whole conversation without saying, “like,” “pero,” “literally,” or “bro.”
7. Even if you’re not Hispanic, you semi-speak Spanish.
Not all Miamians are Hispanic (hard to believe, I know), but our non-Hispanic pals are great too! They can semi-understand you and most likely know a few catchphrases. They can also always tell when the chisme (tea) is being spilled.
8. All of your favorite food items are in the “international aisle.”
These are tough times we’re living in here in the U.S. When a Miamian has to scour the international aisle for Sazón Completa or Jupiña, you know it’s a dark world out there. I personally believe Hispanic seasonings should be easily accessible to ALL. Join me in my quest to integrate Hispanic culture in every part of Tallahassee, and soon, every southern state. #Miranda2020
9. You SWEAR by Knaus Berry Farm Cinnamon Rolls.
Can you blame us? I mean, just look at them. If they look that good you can only imagine how earth-shatteringly good they taste.
10. You drink café con leche before bed.
No matter how many times I say it, people still don’t believe me. If you were raised in Miami, especially if you’re Cuban, odds are coffee doesn’t affect you. So yes, we do drink coffee before bed because it relaxes us. It really does have little effect and we love the taste.
11. Bonus: You’re not disappointed by FSU’s Football team this year because you were raised with the Dolphins.
You’re used to the heartbreak at this point.