I lay in bed at seven in the morning, not because I was up to start my day, but because I had yet to finish it. I realized I was not going to make it to my 9:45 class because I had yet to fall asleep. I spent the whole night binge-watching a show that allowed me to escape my feelings. The sunrise spilled through my blinds, shining on old ramen noodle cups that had been sitting on my desk no longer serving their original purpose. At this point in my life, my sleep schedule was completely nocturnal. I was waking up at 5 p.m. and going to sleep at 7 a.m., missing out on any social interaction. This is when I should have left Florida State University (FSU).
It was my first semester of college and here I was, experiencing the darkest time of my life with no one I loved around. I was utterly alone. When I was entering college, everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, in my life gave me some piece of advice. âBe careful with student loans!â âKeep your grades up so you donât lose your scholarship!â âUse flip-flops when showering!â âDonât take morning classes!â It was advice after advice. Here’s something I wish someone told me instead: it’s okay if college or FSU does not work out for you.
Knowing if you belong at FSU or any college is a gut feeling. In my first semester, I did not find my people. I was skipping all my classes, my grades were in the gutter, and I was in one of the worst depressions of my life. It should not have felt shameful to leave. It should not have been considered quitting. I thought leaving FSU would have been considered one of my biggest failures, but I should have known that college wasnât for everyone, and if it was for you, maybe it wouldnât have been at the college you were currently at.
I should have dropped out, or transferred, or done something to get out of there. Yet, the only thought in my head was that I was a first-generation college student and if I didn’t make it through, what did it mean for my family and all their sacrifices? Donât get me wrong, I am happy with my life at FSU now. I finally have a major that I am excited about, I have an apartment that doesnât flood, my GPA is finally above a 3.0, and I have the kindest and coolest friends who donât make me feel alone in a city where I am miles away from my family. I am a fully devoted âNole, I am excited for our football season, and I canât wait to be 21 so I can be thrown in Westcott Fountain. But I could’ve had those things sooner. It took me four semesters to get my GPA from a 1.75 (the result of my first semester) to a 3.09. I could have found my place somewhere else rather than forcing it in Tallahassee. To make myself fit here, I had to beat myself into the mold. What if I had fit better somewhere else? I will never know.
No matter who you are or how much you prepare, college might not be an easy transition. I am not telling you to drop out just because you had one minor hiccup. This is for people who know deep down that they do not belong in a place but are too scared to leap for fear of failure, just like me. There is more than one path in life. Some of the worldâs most successful people dropped out of college. There are many people living a great lifestyle because they chose what made them happy over success. Even transferring schools isnât the end of the world. So, no matter what you choose to do, choose what will make you happy, not others. Donât force something that makes you lose sight of yourself.
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