Breakups are never fun, especially when it’s a first love. You’re left feeling confused, vulnerable, and unsure of where to even begin when it comes to moving forward. Erasing those memories in the blink of an eye simply isn’t an option. So pick up a notepad and your sparkly pen, because I’m sharing the habits I’ve picked up over the past two months that have completely changed the way I live my life.
- Disconnecting & Goodbyes
-
On the first few days of my breakup, I looked at anything that could give me a sign from my ex-partner’s activity online. I’d go on Spotify activity, notes on Instagram, and even check if they deleted their comments off my page. And of course, I knew it was bad. I just couldn’t help but seek out the connection that had suddenly been disconnected from my life.
After a few days, I took the liberty of just muting them on all social media platforms. I was advised to unfollow or block, but I’m a firm believer that I could teach myself self-discipline without going to that extent. You know what happened after I muted them? I felt instant relief; it was like my body knew it was what I needed.
- Music & Podcasts
-
Music has always been part of my daily routine, and that was something that also went through a change. Some songs suddenly became impossible to listen to, while others, like beabadoobee’s “Ripples,” were on repeat.
Eventually, I had to stop listening to artists who kept me in that sadness loop and created a playlist filled with hype and upbeat music to raise my spirits. And in fact, it worked; I still go back to the playlist when I’m feeling lonely on those late nights on my own with nothing but my thoughts.
I was never a big podcast listener until recently, and it helped me shape my way of processing. I really wanted to get myself out of what felt like a “hole of despair,” a continuum of “what ifs.” So, I went ahead and gave anything goes with emma chamberlain a try, and it was incredibly comforting to listen to.
- Being Physically and Mentally Active
-
Every time I felt sad or thought too much about the situation, I put my shoes on, grabbed my water bottle, plugged my AirPods in, and went on a walk. It became almost therapeutic for me; every step had the intention of moving forward from the situation and leaving the negatives behind.
I used to dread working out because I felt like I had to, but once I started doing it for myself, it became something I genuinely enjoyed. Not only did I want to keep my body active, but I also wanted to feed my brain with something new.
I stumbled across The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins, and I ended up finishing that book in a matter of five days! I was so invested in everything she had to say that I tried applying the theory to different situations in my own life. The book is all about getting you to stop trying to control others’ actions and behaviors and the relief of letting go. This mindset is extremely effective after a breakup.
- Creation & Identity
-
I consider myself a big creative, and I’m always trying to stay artistically inclined. During this time, I had to do a lot of editing for a short film promotion on Instagram and post content for a YouTube personality duo on TikTok. This kept me busy while giving me the opportunity to use and expand my skills in editing and creating.
I also had the honor of attending the second screening for a short I was cast in over a year ago. Being able to see familiar faces I had worked with during such a high point in my life reminded me of all the things I loved about myself and my life before being in a relationship. It was a small reminder that my identity didn’t begin with my relationship, and it certainly didn’t end with it.
Using your creative abilities freely is such a great reminder of your own capabilities, and it’s an amazing way to remind yourself of who you are, what you can do, and what you are capable of.
- My Support System, My Lifeline
-
When everything first happened, I was so lucky to have my older sister in town. Whether I was crying, overthinking a situation for the hundredth time, or simply needed someone to sit next to me, she was there. Having someone willing to listen to everything I was feeling without making me feel like I was being too much gave me a space to process what had happened instead of keeping everything bottled up.
As the summer went on, I spent more and more time with my friends. Looking back, I think I needed that more than I realized at the time. Spending my time nurturing my friendships really did change the game for me. Being around them allowed me to express myself completely, even if they were to say, “Hold on, pause, you sound crazy right now.” I needed to hear that, and their feedback helped me form my own perspective on everything.
There were nights when I would talk about it, but most nights were normal; we didn’t talk about it at all. We would go out, watch movies, get food, or simply sit around together, and for a few hours, I could just be myself. Being able to express everything I was feeling without worrying about being judged helped me understand my emotions rather than constantly trying to push them away.
My friends also reminded me that I was still the same person I had always been outside of my relationship. Spending time with friends can also give you new memories to look forward to and helps you realize that there was still so much life happening around me.
Life after a Breakup
As much as I loved being surrounded by my friends, I started to realize how much I was learning from being alone. Before my breakup, I don’t think I fully understood the difference between being alone and feeling lonely. Now, I’ve started to appreciate having time where it’s just me, my thoughts, and whatever I feel like doing that day.
I still have nights where I miss having someone to talk to on the phone, and there are moments when memories come back unexpectedly. I still miss feeling chosen, but I realized that instead of waiting to feel chosen by someone else, I could choose myself. Those feelings don’t mean I’m going backward. I can miss someone, appreciate our time together, and still enjoy my life.
If there’s one thing these past two months have taught me, it’s that I didn’t need to become a completely different person after my breakup. I just needed to find my way back to the parts of myself that had gotten a little lost along the way. I’m forever grateful for that person; they have taught me so much about myself.
Recovering after a breakup can be difficult, but there are a lot of ways to remind yourself of how amazing and resilient you are. Great reads, good advice, and friendly reminders can help you shake off the heartbreak blues.
Want to see more HCFSU? Be sure to follow us on Instagram, Twitter, YouTube, and Pinterest!