If there is anything we should all be aiming to do in 2021, it is the common goal of silencing our egos. The ego is our sense of personal identity that often seeks inflation through the means of achieving whatever is self-fulfilling. If you’ve ever been in a situation where you did the right thing but are still experiencing a gravitational pull to a bad idea or person, that is your ego nudging you in the wrong direction. The ego is often driven by fear and criticism. It has a way of creeping into the conscious mind like the devil on your shoulder. Or should we say the devil on your psyche?
Additionally, most of the time, the ego is the root of anxiety. The term “big ego” is often associated and used synonymously for someone arrogant; however, you can be shy and quiet and still have a “big” and self-serving ego. For example, if you often find yourself worrying and mulling over future events like a job interview or scoring poorly on a test, surprisingly this is the ego’s work as well. Fear is what is used to instinctually drive the ego to prepare for attack or war. Now, our brains are still wired for this fear, but we no longer live in constant panic of being attacked by a wild animal (hopefully). So, that fear is channeled socially and can be the driving force for a lot of our decisions.
When it comes to dating, the self-fulfilling proportion of the ego can complicate feelings from the very beginning. Your ego wants to be desired and it will often cause a lot of deception in what your actual self needs or desires in a healthy relationship. For example, if you have ever felt drawn to toxic behavior or a withdrawn partner, your ego has taken over in that situation. Because it seeks validations, there is a disconnect when you feel undesired. So, giving in to the ego is chasing and seeking someone who does not respect us. Even a confident person can get stuck in this aspect of dating. We can recognize our worth and value, but the ego can have a way of driving us crazy if we do not feel praised or wanted back. However, desiring someone out of ego validation is not genuinely wanting them.
Now that we have pointed out how the ego has taken the driver’s seat in your life, it is important to know how to mute it and be able to differentiate it from your authentic self. One way is to try your best to see a situation for what it really is. If there is no proof for a negative thought or premonition that may be ruminating, it does not exist and may have been created by the ego to entice fear. Second, always choose to go where you feel loved and valued. The ego may misguide you down the path of going where you feel needed; however, this can lead to a lot of toxic cycles and empty relationships. Learning to tame the ego can quell anxieties and help you cut the junk out of your life to fulfill and attract what the best version of yourself desires.