Yes, it’s almost Halloween, but roommate horror stories can haunt you year-round. College roommates are like mystery boxes; you never know what you’re going to get. Before I started college, I was terrified at the thought of living with strangers. As an introvert, I love going home to a place that is entirely my own. Living with new people and even friends can become tricky, because nothing will test your relationship more than questioning who took the trash out last.
People have wildly different ways of communicating, different cleanliness standards, and different beliefs about acceptable quiet times. Some roommates don’t want to have any guests. Other roommates have guest policies, such as open-door 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Every person’s nightmare roommate is someone whose lifestyle is the opposite of yours. Here’s my experience living with challenging roommates, along with some tips that’ve helped me survive those tough moments.
Before Move-In
Before moving into my dorm room, my roommates and I had those adorable “let’s get to know one another” conversations. But no matter how optimistic you feel before college starts, it’s important to remember that you really have no idea what you’re getting yourself into, and to stay cautious.
I’d heard every horror story possible: instant hatred, weeks of passive aggression, and roommates who fight like it’s a full-time job. The idea of living with people? Horrifying. I tried not to think about it, but sometimes the scary thoughts you try to avoid are the ones you need to think about the most.
When Roommates Clash
Yes, the typical roommate double standard. If you leave your computer out on the counter for two hours, you’ll probably get in trouble. However, if the counter is full of groceries, it’s perfectly fine. And then there are passive-aggressive texts that repeat “no judgment” a billion times. Most of the time, I’m pretty good at taking care of myself, but living in a communal setting can sometimes be a landmine for potential arguments. At times, I feel like I’m getting field training for a career as a teacher, counselor, or simply a very patient human.
One of the things that really helped me survive living with roommates was open and honest communication. For example, when I told my roommates I’d take responsibility for my trash and dish soap, a lot of tension went down. Learning to accept that not everything will go your way is a big lesson, too.
Survival of the Fittest
Here’s what I’ve learned after years of living with chaotic roommates:
Communicate
This is number one for a reason. Sit down at the beginning and throw all your cards on the table. Who minds guests? When do you go to bed, and wake up? Refer back to these all-crucial rules when issues arise. Open, honest communication is far preferable to letting your resentment build. This helps avoid awkward conversations that could’ve been prevented with initial conversations about habits.
Keep Things Clean(ish)
Whether you’re naturally clean or not, you should do your best to keep the common areas clean. For me, I cook very little. I have my own microwave in my room, so I don’t really contribute to any mess in the kitchen. Do likewise if you wish. If you like to cook, use the kitchen. However, remember to clean up after yourself.
Some roommates might expect you to clean the messes you never created. This is not a problem with you, I promise! My philosophy has never failed me: leave things as you find them. Clean up after yourself, but don’t do your roommate’s dirty work!
Compromise
Everyone has different opinions regarding cleanliness, noise, and more. Not everyone has the same idea of “clean” as you do, and that’s why it’s important to give people a bit of grace sometimes. Your roommate may vacuum every day or practically never.
My hot take is that acceptance is underrated. Sure, you might not like everything about your roommate, but I can almost guarantee they don’t love everything about you either. We have differences, and when we choose to accept each other as we are without hostility, positive relationships grow.
Choose Your Battles
Not everything is worth energy. The moldy cup may not be worth a conversation. Save your energy for the bigger issues that might require a deeper conversation.
Making Dorm Life Work for You
College is hard: new classes, new independence, and new friends all come with life at college. This also means new roommates, especially. The roommate issue is the most challenging part of it all, but with communication, compromise, and patience, it can be survivable. You may not get everything your own way, but life is full of compromise. A little acceptance goes a long way, and believe me, you’ll have stories to tell (and laugh over) for years to come.
To all the college girlies who are having roommate issues, I get it. Very often, your chaos-laced dormitory existence can teach you skills you didn’t know you needed, like patience and boundaries. You’ll perhaps leave the dorm wiser, stronger, and ready for whatever chaos lies ahead.
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