As somebody who’s been described as a people pleaser on more than one occasion by multiple people, the ability to stand up for myself has never come easy. While it’s been found that women tend to apologize more than men, I’ve cracked the code on standing up for myself.
- You’re the main character of your life
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Feeling like I’m being watched is something I struggle with. The idea of someone watching me do something makes my skin itch, but I have to remind myself that no one actually cares.
That may sound harsh, but I find that bluntness is a superpower that helps me stop overthinking. To put it in kinder words, no one is particularly worried about my existence when others have their own lives to pay attention to. When I’m out and about, at the store, the gym, or even walking around campus, I take a moment to place myself in the mindset of the general public. When I do this, I can’t find myself judging anyone around me too deeply.
You’re your own biggest critic, and there’s no reason to belittle yourself. This helps you allow yourself to take up space and do so unapologetically. While many things are scary, it helps me to remember that I’m not the main character of anyone else’s day but my own.
- Erase one-sided friendships
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One of the most soul-sucking activities is prolonging a friendship that only one person is putting effort into. When I’ve found myself in situations like this, it was really difficult to pull away. I often felt like I was leaving someone behind, and I didn’t want to lose them, so I hoped they’d reach out.
Looking deeply at these experiences, I’ve found that I was only giving myself away to friends like that. In learning to stand up for myself, I had to look closely and found that these friendships took more of my soul than they deserved. To be kind to myself, I had to put myself first.
Leaving friendships can be gut-wrenching, but you have to be kind to yourself first and prioritize your mental health. Protecting your peace, even when it’s from other people, is important.
- Practice saying no
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Something I often caught myself doing was overextending myself to accommodate other people’s needs. While being a good friend is kind and a wonderful thing to do, there is a point at which it means fully inconveniencing yourself, and at that point, it’s okay to say no.
When riding this line between a happy favor and a stressful switch-up of plans, I try to compromise when I can and extend myself until I feel it tugging on the things I have to do. It can feel awful to say no, that you’re too busy, or can’t make something work, but at the end of the day, what can be a service to someone else can be a disservice to yourself.
A kind and respectful “no” is a perfectly acceptable response to a person. Learning this took me a long time, but overall, it gave me space to respect my own time.
- Stand up for your preferences
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Similar to saying no, there are ways to kindly express your preferences and ask for things without people thinking you’re rude. I used to be the person who either had someone else fix something I didn’t like or just took it, but part of me realized that there are ways to ask for things kindly, and now I help my friends with their orders.
In my southern household, a “please” and “thank you” went a long way, and this became a practice I implemented in my life outside of table manners. No matter how small, it’s alright to want something to your tastes, preferences, and overall happiness as long as respect follows your words.
After I began standing up for myself, I realized that I became happier, lighter, and started enjoying doing things for other people and myself. Personal growth only starts with stepping outside your comfort zone and realizing you’re worth standing up for.
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