Losing a loved one is never easy. It’s inevitable and it’s a part of life that every person handles differently, but there is almost always something difficult about it. Every loss affects us, from the close family members that we grieve for years to the distant relatives that we are not as familiar with. But we still understand the impact that they had on our families.
I am sure that we have all spoken to people who have a variety of perspectives on life and death. I have known people who, from a very young age, were incredibly mature in their understanding that we all will die someday and that is okay. I also have known people who have a hard time coming to terms with this. This is completely understandable, as the uncertainty of death is frightening, even more so when we witness it overcoming those whom we love. Death is a part of being sentient, but it is still incredibly difficult to cope with the loss of a loved one.
Personally, I am no stranger to the experience of losing people that I care about. My extended family has experienced losses throughout my childhood; some were anticipated due to old age, and some were tragic instances of a person taken from us too soon. Both were incredibly difficult. However, I always told myself that as young and sensitive as I was, this was normal, and death is a part of life. I learned to stop pushing my feelings aside when last summer, a very close family member died after spending three weeks in the emergency room due to complications with COVID-19.
This was earth-shattering for my entire family. How could someone so young, so compassionate and full of life be taken from us so soon? I have close family members who have already lost so many important people to them and how they can bear this added loss of my cousin is something I cannot comprehend. However, this was a young man who lived his life to the fullest. As short as it was, he made the most of it. This is something that we could all learn from.
In grieving this loss for the past 10 months, I have reflected on my other experiences with losing people and how I would do anything to be with them a little longer. When asked in therapy what I would do if I could have 15 more minutes of time anywhere, I responded that I would go back to being 11 years old and hold my grandmother’s hand in the hospital for just 15 more minutes. All I wanted was more time. This is a common train of thought to experience during the grieving process.
However, we do not have more time. We cannot dwell on the past, and we can only move forward. All we can do is live life the way that my cousin did. He did not hold back in expressing his love for others, his love for music and his love for his friends and his family. He loved life. We should all remember that life is incredibly short. It is too short to not tell the people that you love how much they mean to you. If there is one thing that saddens me to see, it’s that we as humans are taught to have too much pride to love and take care of one another. If we live this way, we will always be disappointed when an opportunity to tell someone that we care about them passes us by.
This is not to say that opening up about our deepest feelings is easy. It’s important that we are there for ourselves and prioritize our own needs, rather than only prioritizing those of others. You additionally cannot ask yourself to like every person that you meet or be unrealistically affectionate at random times. Everyone shows love differently; sometimes it’s through actions, sometimes it’s through jokes and sarcasm. However, it’s still important to be there for those whom you love, and at certain points express that they are important to you.
After having a long conversation the other day with a young woman my age who recently lost her best friend, the first thing that I did was call my best friend from back home to tell her how much she means to me. My friends and family know that I love them but checking up on them at random times can change the entire course of their day for the better and make them feel cared for. Anything can happen when we least expect it to. Grief has taught me that in our short lifespan, there is no harm in loving deeply in a world that encourages bitterness.
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