Ideally, no one would ever experience heartbreak, but chances are, you will or already have. Every heartbreak hurts, but your first real one? That is by far the worst. I just experienced what I thought was my first real heartbreak not too long ago. It was only like a two-month “situationship” but I felt awful and my process of getting over it would go on to last two more months. We were together every single day over the summer, just hanging out and living life. He introduced me to spontaneity and adventure, something I so desperately needed at that time in my life. It was the summer romance Nicholas Sparks had me dreaming of for so long. We would hang out all night, then facetime for hours, with endless things to say. He felt like one of my best friends. It hurt really bad when things ended, but looking back, I have no regrets. He was something I needed at that time. I was incredibly naive in that relationship and did not know my worth.
It took a while, but I found myself again AND most importantly, my worth. Here are some tips for those who just booked a stay at their very own Heartbreak Hotel.
1. CRY! It’s okay.
When experiencing a time of sadness or heartache, most people around you are quick to say, “That person didn’t deserve you!” (they probably didn’t) or “Forget about them. There’s no sense in crying or being sad!” While I’m sure these people mean the best, I am also sure that through experience, that these messages rarely help when in the moment. It feels like your feelings are being discounted, like they aren’t valid. Let me tell you: No matter how long the relationship or “situationship,” your feelings are valid and real. You are entitled to your feelings, so don’t let anyone make you feel bad for having them.
Personally, I cried a lot. I think crying is a necessary stage of grief, which you are essentially experiencing when going through a breakup. You’re trying to accept the loss of someone you really cared for or even loved. Through your tears, know that you will get to the other side of this. Please don’t listen to people who tell you to get over it way too soon. You will in your own time, not on theirs.
2. The 30-Day Rule.
If you keep talking to them and hanging out right after the breakup, you will never allow yourself to fully move on. That’s not to say that you should avoid them forever and not be friends, because I do feel like it is possible to be friends with an ex. That is saying, though, that you should allow both of yourselves the time and space necessary to process everything. And maybe you will get back together later down the road, but not before 30 days. You got this.
3. Breakup Playlist… Lots of Adele!
Music got me through a lot of those sad moments in my car or my room, specifically Adele (shout out to her!). Whatever you choose to add to your playlist is up to your discretion. For me, it was listening to lots of sad music. Sad music can make some people feel worse, but it can be comforting to others. I was one of those people who found comfort in it. Yours might be full of empowering, up-lifting songs that make you feel like the baddie you are. (For this, I recommend Megan Thee Stallion.) Whatever your playlist is, just make sure you have one. Music drastically alters your mood and often is medicine to the soul. So should I say… take some? In the form of music, that is.
4. Friends and Self-Reflection!
Use these moments to work on yourself. Self-reflection is key. Don’t look at this as a way to convince yourself why you weren’t good enough for that person, because you were. Maybe they weren’t good enough or ready for you. (Right person, wrong time?) Instead, look at this as an opportunity for self-growth. How can you better yourself in general? How can you date and learn more about yourself? What are the things you enjoy doing for yourself? What can you do differently in future relationships? These are things you should consider.
Note: You have the power to take your life back after a breakup. And you will. You will come to learn that breakups often have everything to do with you, and nothing with your ex. And not in a bad way.
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