Courtesy: ScooterVille
Have you noticed the scooter craze that has quickly taken over campus? It’s insane! Out of nowhere, it seems like half of the school decided to invest in a Tao-Tao, Bintelli, a Honda Ruckus or the ever-so-stylish, vintage-looking Vespa. I for one have definitely taken notice because I used to be able to park my Blue Bintelli Breeze anywhere I wanted, and now I have to show up to class 20 minutes early just to beat the scooter crowd. But I can’t complain too much because the parking situation for scooters still trumps the one for cars any day. I definitely understand the sudden popularity though. So if you’re one of the curious types who has yet to join the Scooter Squad, I’m going to let you know what’s up.
Savin’ Dolla Dolla Bills, Y’all
With a mode of transportation whose $1 gallon tank lasts me about a month, it’s pretty cost efficient! You have to be sure to fill up with premium gas—none of that regular or unleaded crap. Scooters can only handle the best fuel. If you forget to use premium gas, you’ll ruin the engine and hate yourself for wasting $2,000 on quite possibly the sweetest ride of your life.
Always Unavailable for DD Duty
No one is ever going to ask the owner of a scooter to pick their drunk a** squad up from Pots or Heritage Grove. People travel in groups, and unless your friends are all trained clowns there’s no way that more than two people will fit on a scooter. The only way a member of the Scooter Squad could be a designated driver is if someone gave them the keys to a car; in which case, you might as well seize the opportunity and take a spontaneous road trip! Have fun walking home, friends!
Tha Thrill, Tha Chill
The whole experience of scooting around the hills and winding streets of Tallahassee with the wind blowing in your face, ignoring the fact that every car hates you for going 10 miles slower than them is not only a great way to explore new roads you’ve never been down, but can also be a great way to unwind. When I first got my scooter, I rode around all the time looking for alternate routes in order to avoid the main roads flooded by the enemy (AKA anything with four wheels or more). I discovered that it not only forced me to get a better feel for the city, but I also found it to be very calming. Now, whenever I have a lot on my mind or I’m feeling stressed, I just hop on my scooter and ride off my angst.
I’m not going to sugarcoat it though… the Scoot Life has a dark side.
Nature Can Be Cruel…
Bird poop may be annoying to your average car-driver, but it is 20 times more of a nuisance when birds decide to poop on a scooter. This is because they will more than likely poop on a location that has to make direct contact with your body. Whenever a bird has left me a little gift, it’s either been on the seat or on the handlebar. I feel like birds know what they’re doing when they drop a deuce on my little scooter; they want to make my life more difficult, or just want me to know they exist. TRUST ME, BIRDS. I KNOW. I’m reminded of your existence every time my hand goes to grab the brake and it’s all slimy with your nasty white droppings.
…And You Are Cruel to Nature
When you’re behind the wheel of a car and a bug smashes into the windshield, you don’t think much of it. BUT when your sunglasses become that windshield instead, the death you’ve caused is suddenly way too real. Once there was a majestic monarch butterfly fluttering around a good distance ahead of me. I didn’t want to hit this beautiful creature so I veered off to the side a little bit in order to avoid him. But alas, at the last possible moment, the butterfly changed its course and headed straight into my forehead. Did it hurt me? Yes. It left a bump too! But it was nothing compared to the innocent life I ended on my joyride around town. What’s even worse is when bugs somehow manage to make it directly into your mouth. I can’t even tell you how many of them I’ve swallowed. But it has to be somewhat healthy for me, right?
You Must Appreciate the Little Things
You really underestimate the luxury of air conditioning when you’re stuck at a light on Stadium Drive that takes a decade to change. The sun is blazing down on the black asphalt and radiating directly on to you. It doesn’t help that you’re surrounded by cars that emit their own heat, adding to the hellish sauna that you can’t escape from until the light turns green. All you can do is wait and feel the sweat collect (and maybe even start dripping down your legs) and wait for the sweet relief of a breeze as you scoot off… only to be stopped again at the next damn light.
So the Scoot Life has some pros and cons, but at least now you know what’s up! I only just now came up with the group name “FSU Scooter Squad,” but it should definitely exist. I bet the T-shirts would be dope. We could ride around like a motorcycle gang and hit up Pomberry for some fro-yo! A girl can dream.