I know this is probably the first time you’ve seen his name on a screen anywhere, at least, for a while anyway. Unless you were one of the two people who watched I Wish You All the Best or Lisa Frankenstein, you probably haven’t seen Jughead Jones, AKA Cole Sprouse, in the public eye for a crazy long time.
I always found it hard to shake Cole Sprouse’s “I’m a weirdo” speech from his time on Riverdale, and his performative cigarette smoking on the Call Her Daddy podcast from my mind. If this is who Cole was off-set, I don’t want him anywhere near my recommended YouTube Shorts!
Despite all this, I do think he has the potential to revive the 2000s heartthrob we all knew and loved during our prime years of childhood.
King, keep your head up, you might drop your Disney Channel Wand, but I’ve got a way to revive your career with the reclusion you seem to enjoy!
Glimmer of Potential
If it weren’t for the dashing interview with our reigning queen, Brittany Broski, on her show Royal Court, I wouldn’t have known how personable and self-aware this noble man could be.
He didn’t miss a single opportunity to embrace or make a joke, very Gen Z-coded ones for that matter. His reaction to Brittany’s old fanfiction really said it all. I thought, this guy can chat it up with the fair maidens.
Before my eyes, this Lord Cole of House Sprouse broke free from the try-hard, Jughead façade into an under-the-radar class clown. This is when I knew this kid could go places beyond corny chain-smoking ones.
Guest Appearances on TV
Now that we know Cole has got quite the silly bone, I think taking on unserious roles could enhance this. I could so easily see him slip into a lazy, yet charming substitute teacher on Abbot Elementary, when the school needs to outsource some help for whatever given mishap happens that week.
He could also be a recurring character, each time teaching a new subject and getting caught talking to the kids about new brain rot.
Seeing his seamless banter with Brittany also made me think of how well he’d do as a guest on Saturday Night Live. A skit poking fun at his previous ridiculous roles or completely transforming him into some sort of wizard or goblin would really play to his strengths and charm!
A Chicago transplant in The Bear just screams Cole Sprouse to me as well. He could be a band member trying to get his life together, or even some foodie influencer who criticizes the restaurant until meeting the staff and building a familial connection with them.
Even a messy love interest or new talent on the block in I Love LA would perfectly play to his experience in Hollywood and revive his heartthrob status, while giving him room to be goofy.
With these roles, he can maintain that quirky, artsy, outlier persona he seems to gravitate towards, while also poking fun at himself and exciting the younger audiences these programs accumulate.
Give This Boy a Mic
While putting men in a podcast set with access to the internet may seem like my worst nightmare, I do think this guy could flourish on specific shows. Good Hang with Amy Poehler, I feel, is a great example. In her recent interview with Jennifer Lawrence, they’re able to maintain a ribbing I think Cole would have a blast with.
The interview had so many elements of self-deprecation, yet surface-level foolishness similar to the fun he had on Royal Court. He and Amy could get down to some good jokes, I feel it! Talking to another person with experience in entertainment could help calm his nerves and feel more comfortable dropping his nonchalant persona.
The same goes for an appearance on Ziwe; the host’s knack for sarcasm and shock value would allow Cole to rehash his embarrassing moments on television or in interviews in a comedic way. I could totally see his appeal skyrocketing after taking accountability for corny roles or interactions he’s had.
Let’s Get You Some Swag
Listen, I think a ton of male celebrities can take this piece of advice when I say, “Get a proper stylist,” because why do they all look like they just discovered H&M or are on their way to dumpster diving?
I think Cole could work well with sweaters of thicker knits, some in vibrant colors, or maybe an olive green. These can be paired with looser dress pants or even customized jeans for more lax interviews or outings.
I, too, think button-ups with monochromatic patterns, unbuttoned towards the top and rolled at the sleeves, could add some variety. This helps him portray a comforting aura while maintaining a professional, eccentric side he has in him.
I Swear I’m Not Parasocial
Of course, this is all in good fun. If this Disney legend is purposefully avoiding the public eye, that’s ok! I know child actors can feel jaded by the hustle and bustle of Hollywood and have every right to seek a life in the shadows.
Especially Cole, who has previously shared his struggles with his mother and his experiences in the industry, is perhaps seeking privacy after a long time in the limelight.
I just couldn’t help myself in imagining what it’d be like to see Cole growing up with us and making us laugh again, without running through the lobby or in his stupid hat.
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