Many times, you’ll hear your family say that your college years are the best years of your life. While college is a unique time with so many thrilling and exciting moments, those moments can feel suffocating when you’re pulled in so many different directions all at once.
Now a junior in college, I’ve learned so much in my first two years, and I feel like this year I’ve finally got it right. I used to worry so much about saying no to things, but I’ve learned that it’s okay to say no to plans or your friends. It’s important not to feel pressured to fit in but to do what feels right to you.
Here’s how I’ve found my people without losing myself:
Setting Boundaries
Don’t be afraid of drawing the line. Set those boundaries! Setting boundaries is important to maintain those healthy relationships and show people how they should treat us, whether physically, emotionally, or mentally. Don’t let people make every decision for you and assess what’s best for you. Decision-making rooted in your values is a practice of self-respect and compassion.
Not everyone has to like you, and that’s completely fine. However, take note of which people make you feel good and are comfortable around. Florida State is filled with a diverse group of people with different backgrounds, values, and personalities. You cannot please everyone; paying attention to those who make you feel supported and seen, rather than anxious or dismissed, is critical in leading you to those genuine connections.
It’s better to have a small group of good friends that support you than a large group that doesn’t understand you. Spreading yourself too thin isn’t worth it and will make you stressed. In the end, go with what feels right and listen to your intuition.
Open Communication
Setting those boundaries leads to open communication. Being honest about balancing your academics, extracurricular activities, and social life will cultivate those strong relationships. I’ve recognized the need to prioritize activities such as my on-campus job, eating lunch, going on walks with my friends, and taking time to study when needed.
Being honest with your friends about academic stress and letting them know you can’t hang out is a great way to build trust, invite them to share their own struggles, and be open with one another.
Communicating what I tolerate in my life is another excellent way to protect my peace and stay connected with the people I care about. This way, I decide which behaviors, environments, and relationships align with my values and which don’t. In addition, this helps me attract people who will respect and understand me; in turn I can live authentically and intentionally.
Combining Social Life with Wellness
Meeting your friends at the club is not the way to meet your real friends. Sure, I can have deep and vulnerable conversations, but I’ll probably never see those people again. Even going out to the club regularly with your friends isn’t going to create anything meaningful. Instead, I like to combine activities like group workouts, study sessions, or trying different restaurants that cultivate quality time and aren’t focused on peer pressure.
For instance, I love to walk around Doak Campbell Stadium with my friends, signing up for group fitness like spin classes at the Leach Recreation Center, going to Little Masa on Sundays, baking at home, or thrifting around College Town. These are all simple yet fun ways I de-stress while also surrounding myself with people who make me feel good and pour into our friendship. Nothing to stress over, just clarity and good company.
When you do what you feel is right for you, the right people will come your way. The best way to do this is to communicate how you feel and not be afraid to get vulnerable sometimes. Setting boundaries, having open communication, and combining my wellbeing and social life has helped me build meaningful connections with people that I will continue to foster, and hopefully they can help you too.
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