When it comes to the art of debating others, any online workshop on developing communication skills will tell you to make sure you speak with proper volume, enunciate words, broaden your vocabulary, and maintain an aligned, strong posture.
The bottom line, however, is that most workshops will go over how to talk, a key skill that isn’t necessarily emphasized, which is being an engaged listener. How many times have you realized that you’ve been stuck in your own thoughts rather than listening to the person speaking in front of you?
People tend to overestimate how much of a listener they actually are. One study showed we actually retain only around half of what people tell us right after they say it (Dory from Finding Nemo style) in everyday interactions. This certainly gets trickier when the scenario in question is an argument, all because you are too busy thinking of what to say next.
With the rise of social media and the number of short clips we’re exposed to, such as activists providing “perfect answers” to dethrone one’s argument, we may start to replicate that. When discussing something intellectual, many often hope they’ll sound convincing, such as Harvey Specter from Suits, as he wins another court case for the firm. On the bright side, this certainly has the effect of making people want to be more engaged in activism.
Nearly 32% of Gen-Z are engaged in activism regularly, compared to 24% of millennials. Such a gap between generations becomes even wider among college students, where the percentages reach up to 40%, and over half of Gen-Zers engage in some sort of rally or protest for a specific cause.
Still, this trend has occurred at a high rate, with individuals searching for a gotcha moment in arguments during a debate. We think in terms of clips, of epic scenes, like the debates we see online. As a result, we chase feelings of adrenaline, rather than an exchange.
Humans are natural pattern seekers. This is what enables a feeling of control over various types of situations, and that includes conflicts. Trying to anticipate where someone is going to take an argument is common, given the fact that we interpret it as meaning we have a grip on what is happening.
Yet, it can be quite a dangerous habit because it’s rewarding, as it signals skill. The result can be a form of addiction, as each new dispute reactivates the anticipation and validation of control, which may evoke the emotional comfort that characterizes a dopamine loop. It follows that stress compounds, stakes become higher, and suddenly, you might not actually be better at debating, just louder.
If you wish to avoid this course of events when you enter arguments around campus, it’s important to decrease your level of participation in pseudo-listening, which is appearing attentive during an interaction but actually ignoring or only listening to part of the other speaker’s message.
In other words, stop thinking of your comeback in an argument and practice true focus; you’ll find it far more fulfilling because this is what debates are actually for: hearing the perspective of another person. Also, make sure you’re engaging in discussions around campus for the right reasons. You can even join FSU organizations, such as the debate club, for more insight.
If and when you get into debates, ask yourself whether you’re genuinely trying to understand and learn or just reaffirming your own ideas.
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